Her mother, looking stubbornly away
holding tears?
probably not.
father, strong as ever,
giving her his loving last words
Nothing left but her shirt
skirt, shoes,
a little purple flag
tucked away in her pocket,
maybe ten dollars in change
Sitting on the sidewalk
just to think a little longer
she says her mental goodbye
to Sarah, then locks the name
deep inside.
she can hopefully remember
later
At sixteen, she can get a job
hopefully even a decent one
she won't answer questions
that are too personal
just nod and smile
And father's sweet last words
hold an echo in her mind:
Don't
Ever
Come
Back.
Author notes
My second (posted) poem after a while!
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For contest:
This was sort of a combination between #1 and #3. The picture kicked my muse, and then the third prompt kicked it harder.
Thank you for hosting the contest, I really enjoyed writing this ^-^
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Hopefully you all can figure this out. It's not hard =P
Comments please!!!!
A contest entry
- #19 OPTIONS CONTEST (: by Walk-Free.
690 points, ended September 5, 2008, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
I'd like some criticism to help me get back into writing
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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My brain is kind of on stand-by mode right now, but this poem said something to me (I've yet to figure out what). I do love the last part "Don't / Ever / Come / Back." But my favourite part would have to be the first bit "holding tears? / probably not." I'm not entirely sure what this poem is about, but I really like it anyway. Fantastic work
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That's what I aim for most of the time
The "I like it for some reason but I have no idea why" type of thing.
Thank you!
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This poem seams very startling to me, it in a way punches each word into you.
Don't
Ever
Come
Back
it makes you stop to read the next words, and slapes you in the face along the way. It's so much more powerful then if you went
Don't ever come back
Wonderful job once again,
cassie
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Here's a largely delayed thank you for your beautiful comment Glad you liked it.
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brilliant piece of poetry here.
i really enjoyed it very much (:
"Don't
Ever
Come
Back."
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ah, meredith, you never fail to amaze me!!!
i truly had no idea what this poem was about, but i still loved it! great vocabulary and choice of words, like 'holds an echo in her mind' and the line spacing added drama. this is so great!!! good luck in the contest!!!
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Lol! Thank you, I think
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