Battle-worn, weary,
eyes seeking every direction...
So many attacks, daily,
enemy unseen, always present.
Armor's dented, tarnished,
sword's edge had become dull...
A shield of finest craftsmanship
my strongest refuge.
Chainmail blood-fused with skin,
scabbed-over wounds rip open
with sudden movements.
Recent strikes have cut bone deep,
causing momentary retreat ~
cracks in my armor become targets.
Fiery arrows from long range,
short blades in close combat,
each inflicting much damage...
Weakened with each blow, I stagger,
stumbling over myself ~
taunting laughter thunders as I fall.
Legs tired from constant barrages,
always moving, never idle.
Labored breathing, muscles ache,
no rest immediately foreseen...
Comrades in arms have fallen,
save a remaining few ~
many of which are nursing wounds.
Abrasions wrapped in tattered guidon,
symbol of allegiance my covering.
Scarce drops of wine, crusted bread,
restore my vision, strength.
Sharpening my sword as I heal
through deep meditation.
With a prayer lifted to the heavens,
I stand prepared for another onslaught ~
sword in hand, shield lifted,
feet steadfast on solid ground.
If death should visit me this day,
fear shall have no grip...
By faith, eternal victory is assured.
Author notes
Winkings ~ Option 1/The Soldier
*POM Contest*
40 lines or less
theme: spiritual warfare
2 Corinthians 10:3-5
For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ. (New King James Version)
Ephesians 3:10-13
Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. (New King James Version)
In a list
A contest entry
- Poem of the Month - POM by Arkbear.
1250 points, ended September 2, 2008, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Spiritual Battle by Gods Lil Warrior.
330 points, ended September 24, 2008, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - #123 For Winklings and Allpoetry Friends:Choices of topics. by Lyndon.
6000 points, ended October 7, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prompt: Medieval by LadyDeMarco.
400 points, ended November 6, 2008, 7 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Black knight by Fallen-Knight.
550 points, ended March 27, 16 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
-
excellent jut the kind of weariness and sorrow my dear fallen knight personifys. good luck my friend
-
i didn't actually realize the prewrite thing in my haste to get this contest up and running, but wow! it fits! it actually fits. I am amazed. Great job.
-
Set in medieval armor with pennants and all
it is not, at once, apparent on a read through, that this is a pilgrim's story.
Thank you for this thoughtful composition which you have worked upon with care.
Two readings even now: (i) There is an actual soldier who, at the end, heroically looks at death and knows that for a righteous cause, he will have eternal peace with God.
(ii) The 'soldier' is a Christian, fighting the Good Fight as it were. "Onwards Christian Soldiers" sort of thing.
Your notes are helpful in coming to your conclusion of the latter but the poem is always greater than the writer and therefore two interpretations are equally valid. Thank you for the pleasure of reading this.
Ron.
-
This is a great poem.
Thanks for entering my contest.
-
While immersed in these lines and before reading
your notes, I felt the spiritual applications here.
The wording chosen spoke strongly to me of failings,
trials and barriers overcome by belief. Whether that
faith lies in self or a higher source is unimportant.
What does matter is its ability to keep one moving
through life. Lovely thoughts to read. Blue
-
Great wording, images and depth in this. Most enjoyable.
best wishes in this contest.
-
Excellent, powerful extended metaphor describing spiritual warfare and wearing the armor of God purposefully.
-
Hi there,
This piece has wonderful imagery and impact but it is more story than poetry I'm afraid, well to me at least. There is very little to critique, a couple of grammar issues that Trista has already addressed and the title for me didn't do the piece justice. As for the story aspect, stories can be poetic as well, it is all in the way you word it. Regardless I enjoyed this entry. My scores will reflect my opinions on the rest of the write:
Title 9.3...I would click on this Title...but it could be greatly improved upon.
Flow 9.75....flow was quite good
Depth 9.65....well the depth suffered some I'm afraid. When something comes across more story like it has a tendency to lose some of it's focus and impact.
Theme 9.75..good Theme....read similar, but your approach is unique -
Feelings 9.75...they were there, not intense but felt...
Grammar 9.7....nice job.., just a couple of areas to look at.
Presentation 9.75....very nice presentation
Uncommonness 9.55...nice....but looking for more creativity -
Sit & Ponder Affect 9.8...I did ponder
Ability to follow Rules 10...prefect from what I can tell -
Cupcrazy’s Score: 97.0
Nice job!
No editing once a Judge has touched your work ~
-
Hi Tim,
You truly have a gift when it comes to writing vivid and concrete imagery. This grabbed my attention immediately, even though it's not the type of poem I'd normally want to read, and kept it from beginning to end. Nice job.
On the technical end of things...
S1, L5 "Armor's dented," Not sure if you meant this as "Armor is dented" (which would be my guess) or if it's a mishap with showing possession/plurals, but I'd suggest either writing out "is", (if that was the intent) nixing it altogether, or losing the apostrophe if it was meant to be plural. To me...there's just too much room for confusion...and I want to be focused on your imagery, not on what an apostrophe is denoting.
S4, L7 "many of which (whom) are nursing wounds."
Also the change in tenses Bear mentioned.
Beyond that, the only other issues I have with this are how close it comes to being a story poem, and that your intended theme may be hidden too deep inside the story and imagery you've presented to come through. There's really only that last line to tell the reader this is more than another war story, even though there are very subtle hints weaved throughout, such as the wine and bread. Not that I like to be hit over the head with a theme that leaves me no room to figure things out for myself either.
I'm anxious to get this scored, so I think I'll let the numbers tell the rest of how I felt about this superb penning. Gold trophy or not, this is still one you can ~ and should ~ be very proud of. Thanks so much for joining us again, and I look forward to seeing much more of you in the future.
Good Luck and Best Wishes,
~J.
Remember...no editing once a judge has commented, until after trophies are handed out.
-
Your talent never ceases to amaze, my friend. Your pen is truly gifted. I wish you all the luck!!
-
Hi and welcome to Pom first off I must say
I have seen many writes
like this one on this site
but it was a piece that did leave
me with a lasting impression as I read
it again and again So it will score highly with me
on a personal level.Nice job here with this piece
my score will appear with my end notes
best wishes and much luck -
Hello Tim
First impression......your efforts are well-noted ~
Ok....if you read the first two stanzas, you shall notice a switch of tense.....yet only minor, it is still detectable ~
Ok....the best thing I enjoyed about this write, is your ability to move me.....and not only emotionally, but, move me within your Theme......you grabbed me.....threw me into your storyline, and did not allow me to leave.....and you did this, by penning an incredible write ~
Superb job!
I SOOOO very much enjoyed your Tone.....you have the voice of Poetic beauty glowing from this write......I read each line, as though I were reading Hamlet.....well, almost
~There are so many intriguing phrases penned, it would be difficult to pin-point my fav ~
Over-all....terrific entry....I hope the other Judges do not find it......Story ish......as yes, it did have the opportunity to cross over that fence, yet, I believe, you caged it....penned it, and framed it beautifully.....excellent job....thank you for entering ~
Would love to collaborate on something with you.....check out
* Blue Mountains of Mist & War*
.....my Authors Page ~
God bless you,
Bear ~
Title 9.7...I would not want to click on this Title unless I wanted to read about this genre, however, it did peak my interest -
Flow 9.95....meter is basically perfect....and very smooth-
Depth 9.9....great depth -
Theme 9.55..Theme is common, but your approach is superb -
Feelings 9.9.....loved it -
Grammar 9.9....nice job....beautifully poetic -
Presentation 9.8...lengthy stanzas....but it works -
Uncommonness 9.5...nice....but looking for more creativity -
Sit & Ponder Affect 9.3..ouch....I've read this Theme many times, so not too much to ponder -
Ability to follow Rules 10...prefect from what I can tell, except one filler word -
Bears Score: 97.5
Not bad at all...the commonness took a hit is all ~
No editing once a Judge has touched your work ~
-
I must say that this poem is exceptional in my book. the emotions and the vivid imagery seem to me to blend quite well in this poem. I love how your poem is backed by verse.. exceptional throughout the entire poem.
I love your choice of theme. beautiful job on this poem.
I can see this one doing extremely well with the scoring.
good luck
kat
-
The imagery and emotion meld very well in this poem. Your theme, well expressed and back by verse. This is inspiring ... always is from a standpoint of survival for us humans, but you take the word choices and mix them around so that the feeling of struggle and victory emits.
Beautiful poem Tim ... I see this scoring very well again!
Best of luck ..
Steve
-
Excellent write, love the darkness, the imagery is so raw. An awesome read, good luck
Adding your comment:
