Sometimes there are no words
and sometimes there are many!
But today I have none to speak
and yesterday I had more
I gather that it is my soul
and time to quiet restlessness,
tossing and turning inside
a skin devoured of confusion
Because times like these
come limping by, like
an injured body, slowing gait
I don't know why my mind ceases
and tends to mute my modes
of expression, how it stalls
and calms as if it had
to remove itself from its
own observation of arrant fortune
My experience is known
to my mind, behind my eyes,
but it just seems so equiped
to fade out any gem of diction
when joy is killed in inches-
Is it because it knows well enough
and rhetoric will just cloud its
flawless form of assurance?
It does have such precision
with claming-up and plugging
those holes where faults can leak
profusely onto kitchen floors
So this lull of testimonies
may be a matrix of protection
an will verbalize over sailships
turning in to Harbour Town
I give way to my deftness
to understand what I am hearing
and respond within an eye that
can look beyond.
Author notes
POM Hosted by Arkbear - Speechlessness, when it happens to me.
A contest entry
- Poem of the Month - POM by Arkbear.
1250 points, ended September 2, 2008, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Love this metaphor:
with claming-up and plugging (spelling - clamming)
those holes where faults can leak
profusely onto kitchen floors
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Hi there, and welcome to the POM
Quite honestly? I was totally prepared...to find something very common and cliché...as soon as I opened your poem.
However...with each line I read, I found myself being pulled deeper into your thoughts, and enjoying many of the thought provoking lines and metaphors you've so wonderfully penned. So...why did I think the way I did? Sadly...my thoughts were based solely on the presentation alone. 
It's that age-old, "don't judge a book by its cover" thing, but I think it goes to show just how important presentation of a poem can be...and seeing one large block of writing can be quite intimidating to readers.
What I see here is a lot of raw talent that could, perhaps, use a bit of tweaking in formatting your poetry...if you so wish. There's no rule saying you can't write in one long stanza as you've done, but this, to me...was a bit like a run-away train.
Controlling the pace of a poem can be done in a number of ways...and I'd love to see you experiment with white space a bit, using this write or another, it wouldn't matter...but seeing how sectioning into stanzas or maybe just using indentations, impacts a poem. I didn't have a lot of issue with your flow, but I definitely felt like I needed some pauses and to be slowed down, either with commas, periods, or white space, to better absorb the things you were saying.
In L8..."a skin devoured of confusion" did you mean "of" confusion...or "by" confusion? (great line, btw, as Bear also noted.)
There is so much thought in your poem, yet you have some nice concrete imagery in your metaphors to balance the "show and tell". And while there's no great "aha!" moment at the end, I do think this will leave me with a good lasting impression.
Thanks so much for your entry, and I hope we'll see more of your talents in future PO contests. My scores and the other areas of your poem I looked at will be in the final notes. I'm not sure yet how this will end up scoring (and my scoring is a bit different that Bear's) but this is another of my favorite reads this contest.
Good Luck and Best Wishes,
~J.
Remember...no editing once a judge has commented, until after trophies are handed out.
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Hi there,
I thought this quite beautifully written, there is an eloquence to the phrasing that was quite captivating and endearing. It swept me along and by the end I wanted to hear those words and experiences that lay waiting behind your eyes and tongue.
I too am not a fan of one long stanza, I think this detracts from the beauty of your pieces by not allowing the reader to stop and absorb the wonder of your words. Also punctuation would aid this piece, giving the reader pause and pause is so necessary to reflection.
My scores will reflect my thoughts on the individual areas of your piece:
Title 9.6...I would click on this Title...but think you could do better.
Flow 9.65...meter is good....some pauses and breaks in stanza's would give this more structure and thus more reflective power.
Depth 9.75....good depth, I was captivated.
Theme 9.65..not an unusual theme Theme....read similar, but your approach is unique -
Feelings 9.85...excellent...I could feel them easily.
Grammar 9.6....nice job, some additional punctuation would add to the piece.
Presentation 9.65....not a fan of all one stanza, I prefer to have a break to breathe and absorb
Uncommonness 9.55...nice....but looking for more creativity -
Sit & Ponder Affect 9.7...I did ponder, but more-so about the writer himself, but ponder is ponder in my book -
Ability to follow Rules 10...prefect from what I can tell -
Cupcrazy’s Score: 97.0
Nice!
No editing once a Judge has touched your work ~
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Hello and welcome to the Pom
I did enjoy this piece because
I can relate to it I have not seen it
written about much so it is unique
to me and I say that alot spare me from
speaking so it was like it was written for me
Some days I do have so much to say
and others I have nothing to say which
is just the way that I am.Sometimes you dont need words
to get your point across,Nice job here with this piece
my score will appear with my end notes
best wishes and much luck.
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Hello
*a skin devoured by confusion*.....wow.....nice line ~
You know, the best thing about this write......for me.....is your ability to sink so deep into thought, yet, never lose control or focus on your Theme....very clever and well-penned ~
I am not a fan of one long....very long stanza....
...however, I was tied up in your Theme, I hardly even noticed needing a break ...or new breath....and that is not recommended, but it sure was superb penning to be able to do this ~There is only a suggestion of some commas to slow the Reader down.....but over-all, a very creative write.....not as original as you might think, but it sure kept my attention, and that is how you score big.....from me ~
Thank you for entering and God bless you!
Good luck!
Bear ~
Title 9.5...I would click on this Title.....not as fitting as I, personaly, would like, yet fitting -
Flow 9.45..penned in poetic tone..lack of punc.'s had no bearing on Flow here -
Depth 9.8....good depth -
Theme 9.65..great Theme....stil looking for more creativity from that talent quill you possess -
Feelings 10....personification is perfect -
Grammar 9.9....nice job...beautiful as I said already -
Presentation 9.5....not a fan of one long stanza...presentation is important, however, you puled it off with the way it stands -
Uncommonness 9.65...nice....but looking for more creativity -
Sit & Ponder Affect 9.7...I did ponder, but more-so about your write itself -
Ability to follow Rules 10...prefect from what I can tell -
Bears Score: 97.15
Very nce ~
No editing once a Judge has touched your work ~
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Excellent theme, not something that has happened to me much...once I think Neat read, good luck
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I appreciate it greatly.
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Thanks for your comment!!
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good
I like it. very smooth -
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Thank you!
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