morning sun evolves fear into actions
following darkness in a trail of opportunity
the baphomet does not fear the light
it strikes upon a moments notice
evil permeates the story
one day at a time
innocence is lost within words weeping
as it beseeches a mercy unheard over screams
the baphomet does not pause in flight
it besets the tranquility spiraling
silencing the struggles
one life at a time
revolution remembers past deeds cooled
embers drifting in breezes of hatred
the baphomet does not count wrong from right
it tallies up conquest on ethereal scales
tipping the balance
one soul at a time
Author notes
Darkwell - Amaranthine Lover
Baph"o*met\, n.[A corruption of Mahomet or Mohammed, the Arabian prophet: cf. Pr. Bafomet, OSp. Mafomat, OPg. Mafameda.] An idol or symbolical figure which the Templars were accused of using in their mysterious rites
kinda like an evil force
A contest entry
- Poem of the Month - POM by Arkbear.
1250 points, ended September 2, 2008, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Best Prewrites From August 2008 by amaranthine lover.
2450 points, ended October 8, 2008, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
-
I like the intensity of the imagery in this piece
-
Great job on this!! And great scores!
best wishes in this contest.
-
Hi and welcome to the Pom contest
I did enjoy this piece
but I have seen it written about
before so it is not that uncommon to me
but non the less I think that you did a wonderful
job with this piece and it did leave me
with things to think about .My score will appear with my end notes
best wishes and much luck. -
Good to see you in the POM!
I'm with Bunny on this one...it was captivating from title to poem's end. Excellent line breaking...I personally like to see punctuation unless it's a very minimalist writing, but there was no difficulty in understanding the poem and it may have even interfered with the flow had you used it. I think this is also a really good example of how repetition, used sparingly but with purpose, can add to a poem rather than detract.
The only line I had issue with for flow was: "it tallies up conquest on ethereal scales" IMO..."conquest" needs and "s" added, or better yet...add the "s" and remove "up", which is a bit redundant, to me...leaving the line, "it tallies conquests on ethereal scales" But as always, just a suggestion.
Other than that, I think you've done one heck of a great job with this. You've set the bar pretty high, so I'll be interested to see how the remaining entries stack up. Other areas of the poem I looked at will be in with my scoreboard in final notes. Thanks so much for joining us again, and I look forward to seeing you again. 
Good Luck and Best Wishes,
~J.
Remember...no editing once a judge comments, until after trophies are handed out.
-
I am never a fan of repeating words.....however, you have....for the first time....shown me how powerful a write can be by tallying *baphomet* up 3 X's....bravo!
I can not suggest or critique this entry....perfection is all I see....best read thus far......for me ~
Thank you for coming out this Month to the POM....so good to see your Muse alive and breathing well
Good luck & God bless you!
Bear ~
Title 9.65...I would not want to click on this, unless I wanted to read about this Genre, yet did make me curious -
Flow 9.9..nice....punc's used at just the right places -
Depth 9.5....good depth...wanted more info on a certain subject...more *Show*, than Tell -
Theme 9.45..abstract thought is hard to conquer in such a short write -
Feelings 9.85...intense -
Grammar 9.85....nice job...wisely chosen -
Presentation 9.9...way to be creative -
Uncommonness 9.6...nice....but looking for more creativity -
Sit & Ponder Affect 9.8...I did ponder -
Ability to follow Rules 10...prefect from what I can tell -
Bears Score: 97.5
Nice!
No editing once a Judge has touched your work ~
-
Hi there, a wonderful entry into the POM and one I thoroughly enjoyed. Right from the title you drew me in and the piece did not disappoint. I loved the language and metaphors used. The imagery was spot on and the presentation top notch. I would have liked a little more emotion, it was there, but not loudly palpable. You did not use punctuation which is fine with this judge, I myself choose not to use it a lot as I feel good line breaking delivers all the pauses necessary.
My scores will reflect my other thoughts on the work:
Title 9.8...I would click on this Title...excellent
Flow 9.9....flow is basically perfect....and sooo smooth -
Depth 9.85....great depth
Theme 9.85..not an unusual Theme....read similar, but your approach is totally unique -
Feelings 9.65...lacking somewhat, but still it was there under the layers of the write.
Grammar 9.8....nice job..great word choice.
Presentation 9.85....perfect presentation IMO
Uncommonness 9.55...not unique....but creatively delivered.
Sit & Ponder Affect 9.8...I did ponder, the piece had depth.
Ability to follow Rules 10...prefect from what I can tell -
Cupcrazy’s Score: 98.05
Nice!
No editing once a Judge has touched your work ~
-
great write!! I really enjoy reading your works!! keep on penning hon!!!
-
Wow... just wow. I love your POM poems.
-
A very interesting theme, superbly penned. The imagery is awesome! Excellent word play and metaphors. You need to place POM in your AN to All the best in the contest
Adding your comment:
1 - 9 of 9
