Swish - swash ~
Drab dark gray patch-worked
into metal belly,
twists in post-era fashion-
Chubby would be proud.
Hands quiver, grab once fluffy memories,
liquid trail of droplets drip from the ends,
tattered and frayed.
"In you go my cozy friend."
Soft tumbles ride the inner bullet,
a ninety minute twirl of spiraled speed
from the touch of a hair trigger,
the button marked, "DRY MORE".
Lexan mirrors one hundred degrees
where deserts desert tumbleweed
from eighteen hundred's western,
twelve o'two pm,
still,
above calm lint chasms.
Squeaks preempt a final, BOOM!
Draped warmth sends shivers
of mountain-scented delight and
protection from breeze-ways,
which nurture aromatic adventures
without bitter stench,
of last night's infantile experiment.
Author notes
*POM Contest*
Themes: blankie hampered, washer and dryer plead the fifth//mystery of the stinky blankie, resolved//laundering scheme under investigation
A contest entry
- Poem of the Month - POM by Arkbear.
1250 points, ended September 2, 2008, 23 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Well, this is different. I gather something happened to the blanket, a domestice misadventure.
Congrats on you HM.
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Nice job! Congrats on the well-deserved trophy!
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Very clever and funny! T Berry Brazelton would love this.
You know you should always keep a spare blankie...
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Hi and welcome to the Pom contest
I have not seen this written about before
so it is unique to me and I did enjoy this
the only thing I did not like was the
back and forth of bold letters which I know
it is just my personal preference Nice job here.
My score will appear with my end notes
best wishes and much luck. -
Hi and welcome to the POM
I really enjoyed this, more so after reading a few times. Bringing sound into a poem is a nice addition to the imagery and is always a treat to the senses.
I liked your title and may have clicked on it out of curiosity, but it did ring of something dealing with children...so I'd have to be in the mood to read something in that genre. Still, very fitting and fun.
I did find "deserts desert" to be a bit of a tongue twister when read out loud...but since none of my co-judges have mentioned it, perhaps it's just me.
Personally...I didn't find a lot of depth to this, but as Bunny said, humor does make up for some of that. I'm unsure of the lasting impression at this point...will probably let it settle in my mind for a bit before I score that area. I've never, unfortunately, had to deal with "blankies" before, so quite possible I just don't relate to this as much as many will.
I found your line breaks to be good, the punctuation well executed, and the theme...different for sure! A really solid entry all in all, and I wish you good luck with it.
Other areas I looked at and scored will be in the final notes...remember, no editing once a judge has commented, until after trophies are handed out.
Best wishes,
~J. -
Oh my word....your entry has just made top 3 for me.....however, I have 22 to go.....but by far, a Theme which I have never seen, and Tone and Flow which make for a wonderful read.....very nice!
Nicely penned.....wisely used punc.'s and grammatical choices....clever indeed
Good luck and God bless you!
Bear ~
Title 9.8...I would click on this Title....makes me wonder
-Flow 9.75..nice....punc's used at just the right places -
Depth 9.90....good depth -
Theme 9.95... hard to conquer in such a short write....but you did well -
Feelings 9.9....great personification and focus -
Grammar 9.85....nice job...wisely chosen -
Presentation 9.9...way to be creative with only Black & White to work with -
Uncommonness 9.85...nice ! -
Sit & Ponder Affect 9.8...I did ponder,....for sure
-Ability to follow Rules 10...prefect from what I can tell -
Bears Score: 98.7
Cool!
No editing once a Judge has touched your work !
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Hi there,
I loved the creativeness of this piece. The imagery is wonderfully imaginative, with clever phrasing and good word choices. It lacked in the emotional department, but it did have a sense of humor which I think makes up for the lack of depth.
Your presentation and punctuation are wonderful, but the title was not as creative and really relied on its play on words, which to me gave away to much of the piece. My scores will reflect my thoughts on other areas:
Title 9.5...I would not click on this Title...didn't intrigue me enough
Flow 9.90....flow is basically perfect....smooth read
Depth 9.45.... again not much here to speak of
Theme 9.85..great Theme....totally unique -
Feelings 9.45...lacking..hard to give this topic any deep lasting emotion I feel
Grammar 9.8....excellent grammatical choices
Presentation 9.85.... loved the presentation
Uncommonness 9.85...nice....great creativity -
Sit & Ponder Affect 9.4...I didn't ponder, but I did laugh
Ability to follow Rules 10...prefect from what I can tell -
Cupcrazy’s Score: 97.05
Great work!
No editing once a Judge has touched your work ~
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i enjoyed this read, brought a chuckle. best wishes in the contest!
~ tim
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Excellent theme, love how you've apporached it. Best of luck
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Thanks for the encouragement. This poem is out of my comfort zone. Seems long-winded to me in some areas but is the best I am able to muse right now.
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My CC-T, these are very unique themes.. I love this so much.. excellent job. this brought a smile to my face.. a much needed one at that. see
good luck in the contest
kat
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A needed smile for both you and me sis ... a lot of dis-ease floating around. Thank goodness for the Labor Day weekend! weee!
Steve
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