you’re like a player cock blocked;
so dumb we had to gawk - hawk
worthless bits of stone
open your mouth - I’ll smack it home,
why don’t you holla back -
I wait here primed for attack
spit my rhyme and jaws slack
rockin’ two fists
to your kiss
doubled-up, knock you flat.
my rhymes are random
bait the fish and I land ‘em -
in a word
vision blurred
dancin’ steps ‘round your verses
your words are worthless,
like cable bleeped out your curses
to fuckin’ rap in white churches -
you can’t defeat me
coming down like a flood
I rain calligraphy.
crawlin’ in mud
you’re on the battlefield
can’t dodge the bullets I wield
rat-tat-a-tat - wounds never healed
your fate is sealed
you feel?
or do you need sex appeal?
I’ll fuck your mother,
do her in, then your brother-
strangle your lover
& every other
motherfucker.
you ain’t no animal
just some pale cracka- a Danimal;
a kid could eat you
chew you out & unseat you
but this preachin’ can’t reach you
with all that wealth and fame
you're just a name
[and I ain’t even heard it]
rappin’ for personal gain
purchase your cds?
cracka please-
you ain’t even worth it.
Author notes
Prompt: The Pic/Eminem in general. I decided to do something amusing with this and write a parody dis rap on Eminem who (like many people) I find to be irritating. Anyways, hope you enjoy.
Also, the random rhyme line, is a small tribute to a dear friend, Starlight Owl
A contest entry
- UNPLANNED: as unexpected as you [preliminary round] by Never Fall in Love.
400 points, ended December 22, 2008, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Write Me A Rap!!! by upperworld06.
550 points, ended May 29, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Critical Review Desired.
Comments
1 - 29 of 29
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Interesting parody ...
although I'm not a big fan of obscenities in poetry.
I found it interesting that Eminem turned to Elton John for help to control his alcoholism since he has come off as a bigot for so long.
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HAHA awesome, great flow and rhyme. thanks for entering
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This is hilarious. I don't like rap in general, (it's ok, just not my favorite genre) But this is witty and interesting. Also,I think Eminem is annoying myself. :] Great job! The rhyme was spot-on and original.
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Yes
This was hilarious!! But also freakishly well done. -
that was a GREAT rap, although its a very similar rap to style to eminem himself...
nonetheless, GREAT flow and good job here
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lol.
yes.
Wait for ryan. -
Although there are songs by Eminem that I do enjoy, I had to say that I found this poem very humorous. I couldn't help but feel that is kind of was said in the way he would have...in terms of the randomness. And in regards to the, "I'll fuck your mother..." was very him style. Well done.
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Gosh I like it. Made me laugh.
It's like way over 14 lines though. lol
rat-tat... - lol
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I KNOW! I will have to write something else... I just got caught up in my idea I completely forgot about the rules.
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Because you got all sensitive & shit on me.
LMAO
"you’re like a player cock blocked;"
LoL...this does sound like something Eminem would say.
But you know, I don't find him irritating. I think he's a genius, but he is deeply unattractive, & you found a TERRIBLE picture of him.
"so dumb we had to gawk - hawk
worthless bits of stone
open your mouth - I’ll smack it home,"
"I'll smack it home" I like that.
"why don’t you holla back -"
More Gwen than Mathers, but oh well. It does rhyme with 'attack' & 'slack'.
"doubled-up, knock you flat."
"knock you flat" sounds a bit flat to me.
I have no idea why.
"my rhymes are random
bait the fish and I land ‘em -"
That is clever. It really is.
"like cable bleeped out your curses
to fuckin’ rap in white churches -"
LMAO! I don't reckon Eminem is the type to go to a church, white or not.
Neither am I.
"I rain calligraphy."
That's gorgeous.
"rat-tat-a-tat"
Reminds me of Eminem doing the Batman theme in "Without Me".
May I ask why this is in the 'Adult' category?
Is it the vulgarity? I never put the 'Adult' label on any of my poems!!
Jessica
***Look down below for the applause I formerly gave you.
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People were holla back-ing, long before Gwen.
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heheheh ... I love a great parody ... but it may be a bit over 14 lines ... but, really, I'm still hallucinating from all the letter counting I did in my contest!
What annoys you can only make you stronger ...
I rain calligraphy to yo tired pen booooy
my dolla bills bounce higher than yours, oi! roflrfl
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hahaha. I totally agree with Chandni, you should do a recording of this.
this made me laugh (then again, little doesn't ), but it was good. haha
but yes, definitely a recording should be made.
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"jaw’s slack"
Did you mean to say 'jaw is slack' or "jaws slack"?
"& ever other"==>did you mean 'every'?
your just a name==>your==>you're for 'you are'
...I think this could do with some more careful edits.
There are indeed some parts here that are reminiscent of Eminem.
Good luck
Jessica
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ouch. All you did was edit... *ponders the meaning of this*
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I needed those parts to be fixed before I could possibly say anything else. I do that a LOT for commenting...like, if someone doesn't correct their version of 'its' for example, I'm not going to comment any further.
Anyways, my opinion doesn't matter that much. Mark is the real judge.
Doesn't mean I hated it or shit like that...cool your pondering jets already!
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We are always picking on each other. I wonder, do we both just like friends to be teasingly mean?
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No, I'm just an asshole.
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Try miss cherie by dior, I hear it helps cover up repugnant smells... *laughs*
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I wish I found that comical.
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Spoilsport. It was supposed to a silly you-smell-because-you-are-literally-an-asshole joke. *Pouts*
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I understood it, I just wasn't amused. Now I feel patronized for the explanation...LMAO.
Meh, I always feel patronized.
Oh, & the perfume in question is not one I find uber to the appealing. -
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Awww. I think that perfume smells sexy. But everything is relative.
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eminem is my hero, how dare you!
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OMFG
hahahhaa, that was so awesome - andso completely random - and so crazy, lol. The endingwas absolutely the best and though I like just one song from eminem - rap is actually pretty horrid - I don't like it - the majority of it is bullcrap.
Anyway, perform this - I dare you
Love ya, darlin' ♥
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I'm co-judge. Have fun
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*grins* I don't know if you will hate me forever or laugh your ass off.
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There's more than 2 reactions in the world...?
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True... *pouts*
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