in my mind I’d picture him as old
with his sharp edges rounded,
sanded smooth by time lived
& by little time left to live
he would maybe
be a sweet old man
that forgave & let loose
his clutch of fear,
the one that sometimes
bent him ugly
he had no tact
is a subtle way to put it
& what he was afraid of
stoked a bank of anger
that smoldered the hottest coals
& could let loose
the sharpest arrows
when I finally realized this
[& he’d start]
I’d hold my palm
to his forehead
to keep my heart
at a safe distance,
because it wasn’t in my gut
to shut him out
I held on to my
sweet old man dream
then came disease
the one that eats at brain,
like termite on wood,
maggot on flesh
then his fear lived naked
on the outside,
distorted sense into pop art
all waves, angles & endless circles
until he was the child,
helpless, twisted with tantrums
my hand
[no longer needed]
fell from his head
my arms ached to give comfort
but there is none
in the spasm of Alzheimer’s
he didn’t deserve
torment & torture,
the kind of end
that kills
sweet old man dreams
Author notes
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The in-laws are staying with us at the moment (5 weeks), a 75yo with diabetes, a 84yo with heart problems and the 96yo grandma (biz Nonna) with dementia. This piece sounds exactly what biz nonna is like. Lost in space, an old woamn one moment, a child the next. She calls her daughter mama.
It's the first time in my nearly 50yrs I've really seen this disease in action (apart from TV doco's). My wife prays for her to pass peacefully, but each day brings new fears, broken jigsaw memories and torment for the dear old lady.
This is a wonderfully expressive piece, written in simple, yet beautiful terms, none of the intellectual which can only be understood by 50% of us. This needs to be heard and understood by all!
No doubt about you...
Wishes -Emmjay
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thank you
i don't write intellectual cause it bores me
i try to write realistic, down-to-earth
alzheimer's and dementia are cruel. my dad had alzheimer's and lived on his own until two weeks before he died. he got bad enough to be hospitalized and two weeks later his heart just stopped. he had no heart problems not even high blood pressure. that tells me his heart was broken and it gave out. to me it was a blessing because it ended his suffering
hang in there Michael
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Such poignant life poetry Brenda, you make such an impact by your portrayal of the sad disintegration of his sensibilities.
How frightened he must be and also yourself, you show with clarity that at first there was a distance by his manner but then his manner became distant.
Yes, a cruel ending for anyone and everyone who cares about the person disaffected by alzeihmer's.
If we are bemused by recognizing their physical appearance but that they are now strangers how bemused must sufferers be when they don't recognize anyone and sometimes anything?
I wrote piece re alzheimer's which another poet has posted on her blog specifically about alzheimers and I can't say my poem is great at all but I explore the sufferer looking at the small planet ( a plate) in front of him as he wonders what it is.
Oops am rambling again!
Poignant and well written.
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shit...
And that's just because I don't know what else to say...
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Touching
A heartfelt write that most can relate to.
This disease has infiltrated every home
indirectly or directly. We watch in amazement
our dearest ones caught in a web of isolation
and confusion. As we standby helpless and
sometimes distant. Not wanting to identify
with our own awaited fate.
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Terribly Sad!
How aptly you described this memory stealing disease! This is well written and very touching indeed. My only suggestion is to eliminate the amperstands. They take away from the serious nature of the poem. Nice work. Best regards
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Oh wow...
This is so heartbreaking... i felt your pain so intensely in this... truly one of my favorite writes coming from you, LadyUnique. I have absolutely no idea what to say here; it's beautiful. ~hugs~
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very interesting
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Heartbreaking indeed
For those who has loved ones so stricken with this disease and feeling helpless to its tortures my heart goes out to you
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An amazingly haunting write on the cruelty of life which is mostly un-invited.Well done,look forward to reading more of your work.
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excellent
then his fear lived naked
on the outside,
distorted sense into pop art
all waves, angles & endless circles
until he was the child,
helpless, twisted with tantrums
my hand fell from his head
no longer needed,
my arms ached to give comfort
but there is none
in the spasms of Alzheimer’s
he didn’t deserve
the torment & torture,
the kind of end
that kills
sweet old man dreams
just too good.you portary the pains and helpness of alzeihmer's patients so well..and your caring personality as well.Kudos.Thanks for sharing.are you a medical nurse by profession or deployed in old age homes.?pls visit my poetry and offer comments.
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thanks for your comment
I'm not a nurse nor am I in a home or work in one. My father had Alzheimer's and a very dear friend also has it.
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excellent
Empathy is a rare gift in a world of me'ism. You were able to see & feel things most cannot. Your ability to use words in such a way, that I am able to experience these emotions is heartfelt. As an older man / getting older, sooner than not, I can only hope that those around me gain your insight. well done.
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this made me cry, it's so sad. he didn’t deserve
the torment & torture,
the kind of end
that kills
sweet old man dreams
my favorite lines, and yet the saddest of them all. well penned.
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loved it! achingly loved it!
oh, thankyou dear poetess...for using your pen to write
so mightily.
The dis-ease of Alzheimers is so nasty to the living,
and suffers so many families.
Perhaps this change of presidency will finally allow
RESPONSIBLE scientific testing and remedy.
ears/Seattle
way to write..and truly touch our hearts.
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