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Might As Well Be Invisible.

I lay unconscious on my ablated & achromic mattress
clinging firmly to my immaculacy
while my awareness carries me into the corners of your [soul].
Yet you bind me with those impervious hazel eyes
& that incredulous and unbearably seductive smile
forsaking me to want to toss you my heart
so your dishonesty could efficiently drown me
in a river of my concealed tears;
overflowing with your false dedication.

My emotions are too domineering
to release on such a thin rigid piece of paper
but my aspirations flow from the tip of a ballpoint pen;
abruptly decrypting secrets I've restricted from myself
& hidden especially [confidentially]
from you.

but I find a way to pencil you into the picture

because all I think about is you

finding myself doodling flawless red hearts  
as the blood seeps through my ribcage
leaving me empty & cold;
imploring that you just might notice me
just.this.once
but my pleading for compassion
leads me nowhere besides a eminent black hole
in my slowly withering imagination.

but baby, you might as well have let me down now
before we find our lives intertwined
& braced to an uncertainty of [true] love

what's the point in even trying?
so you can push me to my limits
& kick me while I'm already down on the floor
sobbing over what I knew you never meant?

 

would that measure up to your satisfactions?
as I burrow my own diagnostic grave into your twisted heart
& bury myself deeper until I reach rock bottom?

I guarantee you like to watch me fall apart;
as I choke continuously on your dejected words
that poisoned the air
& diseased love's existence.

But I've become nothing but immune
to your blemished sickness;
nevermore does your impeccable face
haunt my never-ending nightmares

& darling,
tonight...
will be the first night I fall asleep effortlessly
because I know now
that you're no longer a part of me.

♥

Author notes

♥
Option one & kind of five?
Sorry this isn't the best, doll.
I tried =/

"I sit alone and watch the clock, trying to collect my thoughts - all I think about is you" STAIND

NOTE:
figured him out
after all this time.

 

read it.
YoureNoGoodForMe

About Me: My name is Amanda, I turn 16 October 20th. Errm. I have an absolute love for gummy worms [especially the blue & red kind] I've been drawing forever, and I've been writing since I was 10. I'd love to be in your family as something You seem pretty awesome

A contest entry

feedback would be greatly appreciated :D

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 22 of 22

  • AbsoluteBrightness
    October 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "My emotions are too domineering
    to release on such a thin rigid piece of paper
    but my aspirations flow from the tip of a ballpoint pen;
    abruptly decrypting secrets I've restricted from myself
    & hidden especially [confidentially]
    from you."


    WOW.
    just wow.
    this piece is so powerful.


    "Sorry this isn't the best, doll.
    I tried =/"




    give yourself some credit, this was amazing.


  • Jenny84
    September 22, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I like your emotions you put in this piece. A great ending too. Thank you for your entry.


  • Miss Faith
    September 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow girl.

    just wow.


    "& that incredulous and unbearably seductive smile
    forsaking me to want to toss you my heart
    so your dishonesty could efficiently drown me
    in a river of my concealed tears;
    overflowing with your false dedication."

  • The Rainbows Mind
    September 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Damn it, you ruined my fun

    Before I even got to the author notes, the first thing that popped into my mind was Believe by Staind. Guess it's somewhat irrelevant to mention it now. Haha.
    Anyway as always, good work. I really enjoyed it, loved the metaphor, and I can tell that this one went deep down into your soul. "If you believe in me, then life's not always what it seems,
    believe in me, cause I was made for chasing dreams."


  • etoile
    September 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    when i started reading i new exactly which option it was
    the vocab is brilliant

    Yet you bind me with those impervious hazel eyes
    & that incredulous and unbearably seductive smile
    forsaking me to want to toss you my heart
    so your dishonesty could efficiently drown me
    in a river of my concealed tears;
    overflowing with your false dedication.
    ---
    wow. that part is amaaazing
    i loved the imagery
    beautifulll

    i loved the last stanza.

    & darling,
    tonight...
    will be the first night I fall asleep effortlessly
    because I know now
    that you're no longer a part of me.
    ---
    you know what. i can actually say i can relate to this stanza
    and that makes me really happy haha

    best of luck in all the contests <3
    you definitely deserve to win!


  • thearmsofsorrow
    September 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I LOVE IT
    haha
    who would you like to be in my ap family?
    xx


  • lowercase prelude gold member
    September 2, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    stunning....simply stunning
    your emotions come right off the page


  • Rock-Junkie
    September 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow! I really like this a lot. really!! the inspiration from this song quote is pretty much...wow! it's deep and you expressed how it is to be alone from that 'someone' well.
    My Favorites :
    "but I find a way to pencil you into the picture
    because all I think about is you"

    and

    "But I've become nothing but immune
    to your blemished sickness;
    nevermore does your impeccable face
    haunt my never-ending nightmares"

    Great write and good luck in my contest!!


  • she still smiles x gold member
    September 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Ooh, I liked this Your poems just make me fall in love with your writing all over again!! I don't care how creepystalkerish I just sounded HAHAHAHA

    ~I guarantee you like to watch me fall apart;
    as I choke continuously on your dejected words
    that poisoned the air
    & diseased love's existence~

    Definitely my favs yo hoe. I liked the adjectives of 'dejected, poisoned, and diseased'.

    ~but baby, you might as well have let me down now
    before we find our lives intertwined
    & braced to an uncertainty of [true] love~

    For some reason those lines spoke to me the most. Don't exactly know why...hahaha =]

    Brilliant write!! Don't you ever stop writing!!! <33333


  • aanika
    September 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    so your dishonesty could efficiently drown me
    in a river of my concealed tears;
    overflowing with your false dedication.

    My emotions are too domineering
    to release on such a thin rigid piece of paper
    but my aspirations flow from the tip of a ballpoint pen;
    abruptly decrypting secrets I've restricted from myself
    & hidden especially [confidentially]
    from you.


    afskjklkgagd how did you write that?!
    you literally just like reached into my mind and put what I'm thinking in FLAWLESS words.
    you're definitely going to place in this contest,
    I don't see how you couldn't.
    this was beautiful.
    <3


  • written-in-ink
    August 31, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow
    haahahah


    this was really good!!!
    hahahah

    and yes
    the vocab was amazing!!!
    [i had to look things up..]
    lol


  • Nienna Calmcacil
    August 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Where do you find all of those sexy pictures...? They're amazing... XD

    Ahhh yet again I'm dumbfounded by your work. It was epically amazing...


  • cerridwen
    August 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    amazing, simply amazing

    I love your use of words!!!! I am blown away by the words you use and the arrangement and even the effects you used (the strike out, the italics, the brackets). this is great it is like what a conversation is like inside your own head. i've had these conversations myself in the past.
    My favorite parts:
    I guarantee you like to watch me fall apart;
    as I choke continuously on your dejected words
    that poisoned the air
    & diseased love's existence
    /
    & darling,
    tonight...
    will be the first night I fall asleep effortlessly
    because I know now
    that you're no longer a part of me.


  • Lil-Bit Crazy
    August 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    nightmares suck..... great write u have written here a great way to express how you feel... get it off your chest.... ive missed ya while i was away... sorry i was hospitalized for a while and am just now getting back slowly...... how you been?


  • owlish
    August 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    It is flawless, as usual. There is so much heartfelt emotion and everything. Definitely good vocabulary. Great picture to go with it. Sweet ending and everything! Can't comment so much, I have a lot of homework, but good luck in the contest!


  • whiterabbit.
    August 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Are you kidding? This is amazing. I love it, every single word. I couldn't stop reading it over and over and over again. I can relate to the emotions in this so well. The emotions come out so vividly that I feel like I'm reliving memories.
    I just love the way you've written this and I can't pick out a favorite stanza. This is such a gorgeous poem and the vocabulary is just beautiful.
    I simply adore your writing. It's flawless.
    ♥

1 - 22 of 22