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The Painting

The storm had brought the thunder
Lightning flashed way up on high
The rain had poured from under
A moonless, ink-black sky.

But storms don't last forever
The sun will rise once more
Then painted dreams,on blue sky streams
More beautiful than before!

Some think there's gold at a rainbow's end
Buried by wee men in green
But beware if you try,'cause it's all been a lie
For no pot of gold has been seen!

Admire the painting of hues in the sky
Be witness to God's mighty hand
Stand at the end of the rainbow
And catch all of the dreams you can stand!





A contest entry

How does this poem make you feel? What was your general impression?

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Comments

1 - 12 of 12
  • Topnotchsy
    June 21
    ?
    Edit | Reply
    This is a really beautiful, uplifting and inspirational write. A perfect read for the beginning of a new week!!


  • TabbyCat
    January 5

    Edit | Reply
    This piece really has an awesome flow to it. You worded it in such a way that the rhyme and meter enhance your message. Nothing is lost through clumsy diction.

    The first stanza was the best, I think. Such a picture painted with your words.
    "The rain had poured from under
    A moonless, ink-black sky."
    This line had such an awesome ring to it.
    I do question the use of the word "had" in the first stanza though. Maybe you could rewrite and still preserve the syllable count with something like...
    "The storm brought rolling thunder..."
    and
    "The rain poured out from under..."
    Or, keep it the way you have it. I like it either way!!!!!


  • Pisces rainbow
    September 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    INSPIRATION AT ITS BEST
    BRAVO FOR A LOVELY WRITE
    GOD BLESS MY FRIEND...


  • passim silver member
    September 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Lovely rhythm and good rhyme. Thank you, I really enjoyed your poem


  • mamajoey
    September 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    very cute! I was quick to judge with your meandering to the "wee men in green", and I still think I'm right. You're trying to tell of good times ahead, yet you're listing off what won't come. Other words, keep up the great job!

  • Jeremy0826 gold member
    August 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is some great advice to live by.
    A beautiful poem with some a lot of
    hope and creativity here. Well done
    and good luck to you with it here!




    Jeremy0826

  • Hikari Lady
    August 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Aside from the rythems and whateover (which i don't really care for them and don't fully understand them) I think this is a beautiful write.
    there's so much hope in it and so much imagination, the ending was nice and smooth. I like it.

  • aanika
    August 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this is so cute and inspirational
    the rhyming wasn't bad, nor was the flow.
    nice write!

    I love these lines:
    The rain had poured from under
    A moonless, ink-black sky.

  • firefly53633
    August 28, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    < Well?

    Does it sound better now?
    • Ace - LightWithinMe
      August 28, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Hello. HAhaha. I was putting some of the lines through a syllable counter, so it took a bit longer to check, hahaha. Sheesh, you will have me washing on a washing board next, hahahah. My regards.
1 - 12 of 12