He walks slowly, steadily
As if he thinks over each step
Carefully planning where the next
Will fall
Sorrow is etched in his visage
A life like his, none of us wish to know
He takes out an old, worn picture
That of his love, now lost forever
He still relives the nightmare
Of that unforgettable night
Has it really been five years
Or has it been a hellish eternity
Darkness pressed around them
The road winding through tall bare trees
His vision is blurred
Like an impressionists painting
The car spins out of control
Flipping once, twice
Finally stopping, wrapping around a tree
A strong branch crashing through the window
She bleeds her red river
Her heart will beat no more
He's virtually unscathed on the outside
Though gashes mar his soul
He wishes death would take him
That the demons of that night would
No longer taunt him with the
Freakish screams of his love
If only that night, he would have thought
Like he thinks out each step
If only he would've listened to reason
If only he had chosen not to drink
Author notes
This is totally not what I was planning on doing when I wrote the first line...so its really weird and bad. Dont drink and drive kids.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
-
Comment Number Three
Really weird and bad....OMGosh!!! Oh yeah and besides me saying Wonderful and Awesome too much I like to say OMGosh!!! almost more. lol So look out.
Now on with the praise...
This is most excellent (Another over used word of mine), and superb (not that over used but used nontheless).
OH and I almost forgot to be mad at you over this amazingness. (OMGosh!! NEW word!!!)
Ahem... You stole my title.. Haha not really.. Seems you wrote this before I wrote my poem...
Here's mine if you so wish.
If Only by Mister Random < That's me. If you wondering.
-
A very good rendition of the guilt a person goes through when they feel responsible for the death of the one they love. It's a good message and you worded it well.
Cheryl
-
I though this was good. It grips the reader to the end. I like how you decribe the guilt the man lives with everyday. The ending was a suprise with a good message.
-
Whoa... I can see how easily this played out, by that I mean you saying you didn't know what you were planning when you wrote it, it just fell into place so easily, a wonderful, horrible story. I loved how you managed to tie in the first paragraph to the last paragraph! And it was a relatively nonshort poem, but I read it so quickly and easily because it was interesting to read and so fluid, at that!
GREAT job
diggin it majorly
-
hahaha... wht happened 2 ur lack of poetry muse... lol... ur author notes r hysterical 2... but other than that... it not that bad... well considering i havent read a good poem since...w ell since u left... im going 2 have 2 say this poem is welcome releif.. lol
Adding your comment:
1 - 5 of 5
