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Feelings of You...

Missing image

Such intense feelings

as I feel your softness
brush gently against my skin;

stare, deep into your brown eyes
and slowly fall into sin.


Suggestive whispers of love,

two bodies in motion,

growing slowly in time.

Our bodies devoted

to each other, to our love.

 

Careless whispers,

two bodies in motion;

feel love grow slowly in time,
with our body's devotion.

 

Luscious lips pressed over mine

readying for our moment,
encounter divine.

 

Careless whispers, tender caresses,
make your manliness rise.

 

Soft moans, I feel you,
your love so deep.
No, not a dream,
for why not this moment keep?

 

You tense around me, I, around you;
our voices, simply get lost in time.

 

We go from firm, strong...

to...

 

Softness...

 

Release...

 

Oh, love of my life,
from this moment on,
you will be mine always

'til the end of time

copyright:

Tanya Campos-Gracia

Author notes

**

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • luckynsincere Greeters member
    September 10, 2008

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    This is beautiful and sensual. I love that you carefully selected your wording to fill them with love. It is powerful and packed with the imagery needed in this challenge!

    My only critique would be that I feel it was a bit cliche at some parts. The words were too often heard and refered to in poetry of this nature. METAPHORS will be what could turn this into a seller! Meataphors would carry this poem over the top.

    One of the best I have read so far. Keep up the good work! Stay tuned for results!

    Mel


  • LadyDementia gold member
    September 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Hey welcome to the poetic challenge Beautiful thoughts and imagery here, soft and subtle, very nice indeed! Line under the second verse 'Carelss' = 'careless' Be sure to double check all spelling, if your anything like me your thoughts are way ahead of your words, leading to the odd little typo I am not a fan of repeating words, bodies for example has been repeated a few times. L14 you have spelt it differently to I just feel there are so many different words out there, expressing it differently each time would improve on the imagery and creativity IMO
    You certainly made my cheeks red here, very intense in places I look forward to reading different themes from you, I am sure you have much talent left to show us

    Your score form me is 93.4


    Just a note to remember, please DO NOT edit after a judge has commented. Wait until the round is over As other judges follow and it can be a little confusing

    • AngelicMistress gold member
      September 6, 2008

      Edit | Reply
      Hi:

      I am very surprised that I had a typo, I "always" spellcheck, bad grammar is my pet-peave.....

      Thank you for your comment on my piece.....

      Blessed be,
      AngelicMistress...Tanya

  • Arkbear gold member
    September 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Hello Mami ~

    Welcome to Poetic Challenge

    New stanza after *sin*

    First stanza is beautiful BTW ~

    Comma after

    **Like whispers of soft love
    two bodies in motion

    feel love grow slowly in time,
    with our body's devotion.
    **

    OR

    **Suggestive whispers of soft love,

    two bodies in motion,

    love growing slowly in time,

    our bodies devoted **

    Just suggesting a slight edit to help the Flow...

                    ....this is only my opinion as one of your Judges 

    **Luscious lips pressed over mine,

    readying for our moment;

    encounter devine.**

    New stanza

    **Careless whispers, tender caresses,

    make your manliness arise.

    Soft moans, I feel you,

    your love so deep.**

    Mami!!!!!???

    **for how could this........take away *for*....not needed ~

    New Line....Softness

    New Line....Release

    New Line....Oh Love of my life,.....etc ~

    There is realy nothing to critique here.....this is a lovely write full of impacting emotion and imagery to spare......you had me blushing

    I suggest taking your time and re-reading your write a number of more times, and compare it with my suggestions......you and I basically wrote the same thing....however, I did add a few commas here.....a new line there....nothing major ~

    You are going to be a tough Poet to beat.....you are showing signs of a Competetor (sp) early.......as I always tell each Entrant.....do NOT wait until the Final Round to show off your talented quill

    Good luck Mami and God bless you,

    Your Son,

    Bear ~


  • Disturbed Prodigy
    September 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    lovely, beauty capture and traced onto page, with the flow of an endless night sky, keep it flowing, ,my friend.


  • Lexie - silver member
    September 2, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Beautiful

    i'm a huge fan of sensual erotic and this was a devine treat indeed


  • Ktulu Blackwolfe silver member
    September 2, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I liked the gentle flow this had. Truely a wonderful read for your round one entry.

    Though I wish it was a little longer, that is just my personal opinion. I find nothing wrong, as far as spelling here. Though, I do question why the ?'s after softness and release...but other than that, you have a great entry here.

    My score
    96

    **Ktulu Blackwolfe**

    • AngelicMistress gold member
      September 3, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      HI:
      I am happy that you enjoyed my piece, Thanks so much, with much love and respect, your friend, AngelicMistress...Tanya

  • SomethingLovely
    August 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful write!! I love the lines

    'Softness? Release?
    Oh, love of my life,
    From this moment on,
    you will always be mine.'

    It's so easy to understand and feel this poem. You're extremely talented... good luck in the challenge!!

    xox -C-


  • poeticweaver silver member
    August 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Nice,

    So beautifully inscribed sweet soul, all the best!
    Thanks so much for sharing you, peace.

    -Timothy

1 - 11 of 11