i sit
hands cupped as one
beneath once-dimpled chin
pondering
as pout of moment erupts
"I work hard at this"
inner-voice whispers to shadow
exposing a prideful flicker of self
while
those many me people inside
burst with an anxiousness to speak
not even knowing why
A contest entry
- what makes you a poet? by Lute.
5200 points, ended January 1, 69 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Constructive critique please.
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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OMG! That is more than just beautiful! Excellent!
These are my favorite lines>>>>
inner-voice whispers to shadow
exposing a prideful flicker of self
while
those many me people inside
burst with an anxiousness to speak
not even knowing why
********************************************************
God Bless,
Sophie
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whithin ourselves, in moments of solitude, hearing voices in a chamber of mind and heart...we find hard the words to choose and colors to blend
and the canvas once blank takes it's single stroke
then another...and another
and from the many voices of you, sheds one more piece of you ...day in day out
...fulfilment
these are my thoughts to this excelent write
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Its amazing that when you start writing poetry, you often find you had a lot more to say then you thought you did. Or at least that is what I found haha. I had to read this more then once to experience it fully. I think I did, and I liked it.
all my best wishes and good luck,
>>>>gaiascully<<<<
(alese) -
Excellent
'Tis a fine write indeed. You expressed your thoughts quite well. Thanks for sharing this one with us. Again, well done. -
At times that inner voice wants to shout out the gospel according to St. Poet but most of the time it remains meekly silent like a lamb before the slaughter. I see your voice is still loud and clear. Good luck in the contest.
Sincerely,
Leo Long
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Often I find "Less is more". This was no exception...you manage to hold the senses in suspended perfection beautifully. Bravo Renee
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Transcend All
I know you were looking for constructive critiques but tonight I just don't have that in me. I want to say that you've created a beautiful canvas with these words. Sometimes, actually more times than not I find fewer words can be so very powerful. More powerful than a thousand words saying nothing at all. Deep abstract! Thank you for sharing!
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The inner self is oft conflicted, not so much by the contraries or yes and no's as much as tangentalitis. We work hard, achieve and once the goal is met after flailing briefly with what is next, move on. From the outside it looks so simple. Inside -- it is always a contest.
Love, Tom B.
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This really hits home with me, I think you have captured so artfully the feelings within many, the battling emotions or "wills" as I interpret or get from this, each needing to be defined and expressed, sometimes so difficult to quiet to let the muse flow through. Wonderful, with such captivating style.
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I love the line about the "many me" people! I think I would agree that a lot of poets have that quality of being a number of different people. Each time we pick up the pen (or tap the keyboard) there is the potential for a new "me" or "you" to appear.
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Putting on a sisplay of words in a
way in which God would have been pleased to here or see. And when I finishes even God would be pleased...mac
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totally awesome and has so much truth. you say things with a simple complexity that I can dig. thanx, conni
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your hot
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Excellent Piece
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Beautiful Renee,
"while
those many me people inside
burst with an anxiousness to speak
not even knowing why"
This was my favorite part. It reminds me of how I feel when I write. I dont know why I do it sometimes. Sometimes, the words dont feel like they belong to me, they dont tell my story or of something I have experienced and all of a sudden, they come and give me an image I am not sure I could create on my own.
I have gotten smart now though. When the words swirling around in my head wake me up in the middle of the night, I take out my phone (not having to get up) and text message myself. Then, in the morning I can decide if its something I want or if It should go in my book for future inspirations.
Bravo Sister, Poet, Friend,
Criss
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Exposing pride on one's self. AS we sit to comptemplate what it is that makes us all poets. Where the words form, the inner self of course! Amazing your words are my friend! ~Sie
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My my my...
You are such an artist! wow, I don't ever tire of reading work that is written with such(apparent) simplicity, that it boggles my mind on how complex
a feat that is.
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