I slept,
as if I was a dog kept,
sleep was long and deep,
in future,past and present it peeped,
I worked hard and slept,
in my sleep,
as if I was a dog kept,
sleeping inside sleep was not new,
but I slept inside second sleep,
again working like logging woods,
and slept,
again like a dog kept,
I do not know how many sleeps made me sleep with in,
But I was in coma,
and behind layers of sleep,
it was like a fog web,
that had crawled all over,
and wept,
a jerk made me wake up,
the web collapsed,
and reality came in focus all wrapped.
Author notes
the web collapsed,
and reality came in focus all wrapped.
Option #2 SoC
A contest entry
- Terrifyingly Scary by Freak-in-BlackJeans.
450 points, ended September 22, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Life is about Options by Darkwell.
1050 points, ended September 1, 2008, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Yeah, I like it. It's effective in it's repetition and structure - like a hypnotic chant lulling and refolding the reader back beneath the covers of real or imagined consciousness. Very clever and well done.
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i think i get where you were going with this about being trapped in a coma in levels of dreams and not able to wake which would be totally trippy
i wonder if the dream is the reality and the waking part the dream sometimes. Were any animals harmed during the writing of this poem? I hope not. WTG good luck in the contest
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What is this? This made me laugh!!! How exactly is this supposed to be scary? I find this amusing, and not the type I'm trying to make you write. I liked the use of the word sleep, over and over again, it seemed like a tongue twister. But this isn't what I'm looking for. Sorry.
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