her hands were filled by mud at first
as rain touched her face and lips
feeling the wind embrace her body
the hills were so high
lights fell down her eyes
like droplets upon mirror and glass
fingers twist around her hair
Heart quickens
turning every shade of red
when mud is in her hands
Comments
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but i would rather use filled WITH mud, better than By
keep up the great work my friend -
it is so beautiful my friend
it flows smoothly bringing a vivid image, I can feel the rain over my hair and falling to my face wetting me, and all the minute details you pen here.
A wonderful piece
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This reminds me of an inner sadness, like the reflection people cast to be seen... The reference to mud here makes me think of life's dirt - the hardships, sorrows, and pains we endure.
I felt this was well thought - I can tell there is much depth within the idea here. The gaps of language may hinder a bit in your conveyance, but still well penned.
I will say that the repetition of "are" throughout this piece could be spoken in other ways, with other words et cetera.
Nice write!
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i like the idea of the poem, I felt that this girl is lonely and like she is overwhilmed with her thoughts and troubles.
I like it, but you can improve it more I guess, so much more I know you have inside to let out.
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