i.
tomorrow, I heard the hoot of an owl
wade pools
until your hips drowned
& a wide-eyed wave pushed me back
into you
as quivering droplets shuddered -
I was but a window pane
held like an umbrella;
shielded from your elements.
it was you fluttering
your speech
while water rippled away
from you to wherever
I was & would be -
you dove:
talon clutch extended towards
desperation:
your newest form of prey.
ii.
where was I
then
reflected in these silent waters?
the moon shone
& I looked up:
his laughter twinkled off rings, curling
from the corner of his lips
into laps, swimming across
like butterflies in unison;
I swam away from you -
into the shimmering net I'd spun
where he was glad to be received,
cascading down lockets of ebony
iii.
but today, I will be the hooting owl
wading until my hips drown
in waves
that pull me into you
& my speech flutters
into ripples
that you never feel -
iv.
& I wonder,
why were you holding her hand?
Author notes
Prompts:
1. Silence
2. Endeavour
3. Unblemished
4. Valid
It is a tad longer than your usual preference, but I think you will like this. 
In a list
A contest entry
- Collaboration Contest.... by kiwigirljacks.
1225 points, ended September 8, 2008, 6 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites. by She Stole My Voice.
300 points, ended September 21, 2008, 57 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Critical Review Desired.
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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Congrats
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Not too long at all... I like poems this length
Love it to bits!! Love how you used all the prompts and they blended perfectly into this piece which is just gorgeous!!!!!
(one question: is that supposed to read "your dove"?)
Excellent job both of you!
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nope, you dove as in dive. not as in the white yet virginal and cute bird.
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Ahh right, of course!!
When I re-read it I got that... lol
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I'm left speechless.
Welcome to the finalists.
:]
Thank you so much for entering ♥
-rainbow -
Critical review? You're kidding I couldn't find a thing that I don't like in this poem - the whole thing flows so well together and spins the mind off in so many different directions! The imagery in this is breathtaking and I just don't have the words to describe how much I enjoyed this read! I wish you the very best in the contest - this is a wonderful collaboration - well done to both of you!
Keep writing
Polly
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Awesome
Gorgeous. -
Good use of deep metaphors, but I think there are too many. It confused me. Maybe stick with one comparison and then elaborate so that readers can begin to understand by the time they get to the end instead of being totally confused until the last line illuminates. Very soulful though, nice job
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This is beautiful and so well written. Not much more I can say, my words escape me. Well done, you're very talented.
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So Many Amazing Prompts Used To Enhance!
YOu have both created a verse, so subtly sensual. I loved the way you start and use the original words to connect the entire poem. There are so many wonderful metaphors and beautiful imagery. The ending was the coup de taute'! Never expected it to end with those words. Made the entire verse a masterpiece! The length was not at all boring, rather an amazing collab of two as one. Congratulations to you both! I read and reread, and not one part would I change! I am always honest, and this is a true love verse. THE BEST! Title really pulled you into the verse as it is really inviting!
Linda
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excellent
tomorrow, I heard the hoot of an owl
wade pools
until your hips drowned
& a wide-eyed wave pushed me back
into you
as quivering droplets shuddered -
I was but a window pane
held like an umbrella;
shielded from your elements.
wow good imagery.Loved that in above lines.keep it up.visit my poetrya dn offer some comments.
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This is sensually quite a turn on, and very well done.
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<333333333333333333333
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Who is this Christina? Man, I want to write with the judge!!!
LoL...*finds herself another poet*
Jessica Tel me when you two are done
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*is done* Also, thanks for the early applause!
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Oh I forgot to read!!
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I am his gay lover. hahaha
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Nice to be out-&-about. How are you? LMAO
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LOL
yes, Marty and I had an interesting convo one time... He called me little [and I'm 5 foot 10], so it went something like this:
me: I'm not THAT little. But yes, I am littler than you.
him: I'd BETTER be bigger than you.
me: Marty, I have something to tell you...
Then we just started laughing and he declared me his gay lover. LOL
I'm doing alright. Not quite ready for my 9-hour shift at the asylum I work in, yay me!
hahaha. (and no, it's not actually an asylum... but isn't retail about the same thing? haha)
What about you?
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