~~~~~~~~
When it's *cold* outside
there's [no] need to worry;
it's so ~warm~ inside,
and you bring me p e a c e
as the storms collide,
{yes} we're in love I know
things will be all..right..
~~~~~~~~
Blinded by the blizzard,
I fear opening my eyes:
will I enter reality,
will the soft snow leave my side?
I spend a lifetime with you
just lying in your arms,
nothing shouted
nothing said,
just hearts with silent alarms;
{{Why didn't I listen a little harder}}
{{I might have heard the devil sneer}}
I find myself in the open
bombarded by fiendish weather;
the bitter ice won't leave me be,
we travel the night together.
And it was in this
||perpetual twilight||
that I was struck by an epiphany;
I had been trapped in a game
I did not know I was playing,
but I thought, at least
that my heart was wrapped in warmth,
yet as I shook and shivered;
engulfed by the wrath of the
ardent snow storm
I realised just how
glacial
my life had become.
Author notes
Michaelbe 
A contest entry
- SNOW by trekkergirl.
600 points, ended August 28, 2008, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Another Dirty-Pretty Contest. ♥ by innocence jaded.xx.
475 points, ended September 6, 2008, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Oh Sweetie; You're so [D-I-R-T-Y] pretty. by Candy Morphine.
550 points, ended January 23, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
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"trapped in a game i didn't know i was playing"
freaking excellent 2 lines.
this poem is very beautiful. -
boy, sure wish there was some1 i could feel this way about!
-
love the insecurity of the first stanza and the way it just develops throughout. Really effective grammar or whatever. the devil sneer bit isn't too good, but 'hearts with silent alarms' more than compensates. The blizzard motif I didn't much like, "Blinded by the blizzard,
I fear opening my eyes:" is great, "will I enter reality,
will the soft snow leave my side?", not so great. I mean, good motif, but slightly overworked. Last stanza doesn't have much wrong with it at all, quite beautiful. All up, an entalented piece -
amazing. each stanza is like a different finger butits all apart of the same hand, ya kno? how they're so different but all the same. good job
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WOW
i really like this especialy how you wrote each stanza
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Beautiful
Very talented
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It's very creative and u have a wondrful way with words. You have a great talent and i would love to read more so please keep writting!
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I personally liked this poem. I like the way it was written. The way it flowed. And I thought it was a very descriptive and you used imagery well. So yes you are a wonderful writer. Keep up the good work.
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i think i just fell in love with this poem. so sorry this is gonna be a long comment
"When it's *cold* outside
there's [no] need to worry;
it's so ~warm~ inside,
and you bring me p e a c e
as the storms collide,
{yes} we're in love I know
things will be all..right.." i love the juxtaposition of the cold and warmth and i love the last line
"I spend a lifetime with you
just lying in your arms...just hearts with silent alarms; " beautiful i love that part-the innocence the peace and simplicity is great.
I love the change of tone i feel it was delivered properly and done very well
{{Why didn't I listen a little harder}}
{{I might have heard the devil sneer}} i love this part i swear my heart fell lol i am right at that moment and the wording was great and the emotion was fantastic
great job! i love it!
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so. honestly.
this is amazing.
it's beautiful.
you are very talented.
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sorry to break the list of people that loved it but i didn't really like it i thought the flow was off but you had good ideas you just need to work on connecting them better
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wow. this is amazing. i am rtealllllllly glad i did read this. just so u know u dont have to commnet. i enjoyed reading this.
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HONSETY
You have great talent. I loved it. Beautiful write. You said you wanted honesty. [:
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This is far from shit!
I love this! it's wonderful and you have a real talent,
~alex -
i agree with emo-gal very good it flows beautifuly together well done x
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this is a great poem i only wish my poems could be as good as this well done x
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Ok, I'm not a great fan of DP...but that aside, I liked the poem overall.
The first and second stanzas are good, I liked them.
I spend a lifetime with you (should that be spent? the tense is variable in this stanza....
just lying in your arms,
nothing shouted
nothing said,
just hearts with silent alarms;
{{Why didn't I listen a little harder}}
{{I might have heard the devil sneer}}All in all, a good write, and you have obvious talent.
Be well,
Slayer
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Wonderful.
It was very enjoyable. I like the metaphor of ice, snow and how glacial your life becomes. It is very beautiful. It flows well, and the truth of it really hits home. Gorgeous.
Shannon
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These two lines stuck out very strongly for me and I'm not even sure why... As I read them allowed they continued to ring in my ears. It's probably because we have all felt this way at one point or another. Looking back we wonder why we didn't hear our hearts, our souls yelling at us to stay clear, to take the chance.
{{Why didn't I listen a little harder}}
{{I might have heard the devil sneer}}
IMHO this is a very well written piece. It flows easily and is simple to understand. While still providing a vivid visual of what the words mean.
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this is amazing!!!!!! i love how it alll flows together! its really really really gooooooood!!!!!!!
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I LOVED IT!YOU NEED TO GAIN SOME CONFIDENCE THOUGH.GOOD LUCK IN THE CONTEST!
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I Liked it!
You need more Confidence in your self.
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love it
dirty pretty was used well, and emotions fit the contest. good luck and good job
xoxo-christina
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