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To my One Love

Soft; majestic
Striped with pure white
Blue eyes penetrating
The darkest of night
Come now white tiger
Hear out my plea;
A heart broken maiden
In need of reprieve.
Tell them I love you
And I refuse to let go
Send them the message
Of love i bestow.
Call out their name
With your mighty roar
So that they and I
Shall be evermore.
Bring me their answer
Tell me their words
No matter how mean
Cruel or absurd.
And in debt i will be
To you my kind friend
But first you must tell them
My love never ends...

Author notes

I'm going through a really confusing time; I'm having my heart beaten and battered and used and abused; I've had my confusion taken advantage of, and made out with someone who can't seem to get enough of me, though i don't want to be with her like a girlfriend, it felt nice to be loved; it's been a long time since i've been with a girl who actually wanted me...
but i love him, which is confusing itself, if you've read my poetry before you know what i'm talking about. Then this other guy who acts just like my love comes along and likes me as well.
@_@
I don't want them, i want to be with him, but he decided he needed a break from us.

I feel like a dead carcass being picked at by vultures; whether i want them to or not.

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

  • TheUnholyProtector
    August 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    good.

    i liked the flow. makes me want to hold you and tell you just how much i really care about you. i love you forever and always.


  • takemypainaway
    August 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I think you need to venture off and find yourself first and if after a few months you still find yourself searching then keep serching you do not need to have your emotions toyed with ... now are for the poem i feel that it would have been more effective if you seperated them into stanzas but other than that it is also a very emotional peice
    lots of love
    --kat


  • Melodies
    August 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Your instincts fueled this passionate write and you know in your heart what is the right thing to do.


  • Age of Rain
    August 27, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    'striped pure white' sound better without the 'with'

    'blue eyes penetrate' gerunds (words that end with ING are usually not very effective)

    'come now white tiger' I liked this.

    Hmmm. After this, you delve out of imagery and deliver your message. It was heartfelt and a tad cliched but still a good one. I would say this is a good piece.