Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

This Is How I Disappear.

Steady breaths
one...two...three
recalling my dispositions in this hectic & uncontrollable life.
I was once destined to protect your charitable heart
& suit your life with reassurance that everything was going to be...[okay]
Now I'm standing at the edge of the pier
mascara tears streaming down my swollen cheeks
blurring my vision & clouding my every passing thought.

Love;
the one word my mouth could never seem to form
until you took one immediate step into my heart
and changed how I examined things forever.
You had the most simplistic mind
& offered no complications
I'd lay in bed, counting the thousands of tiny dots on the ceiling
while you clumsily plucked the broken guitar strings
strumming out a harmonious melody 
only meant for our hearts to hear.

Something strong & powerful died in me
I wilted like a flower without the sun
when a sudden phonecall buried my happiness
& grew into disconsolation
[you.were.gone]
& what tore at every string in my body the most
was that you weren't coming back.

Every now & then I'd take an aimless walk through the park
listening to the leaves dance on the tree branches
& taking a deep breath every second you crossed my mind.

Now I find myself at the edge of a pier
choking on my tears & distinctively clenching my fists
the water was frightening & cold, but so was the best of me
these bones were weak and I couldn't stand on my own two feet anymore.

you completed me
& I no longer felt whole.
♥
 

 

Author notes

YoureNoGoodForMe

thunder.xx.paradise: Option 1&3

This is about a girl finally finding the love of her life, and then he passes away.

I honestly teared up writing this. haha
Now, how does this relate to the title? it's not even in the poem ! =-O
It relates. The title is actually the main reason I came up with this poem. The title reminded me of someone wanting to disappear because of something terrible happening to them, or somebody they know. I've never actually heard the song before, but that's what it made me think of. haha so sorrrry if it's not what you were looking for & i know its not the best.
but i tried :[[

Link & credit to Picture:

http://s334.photobucket.com/albums/m422/photographyXisXlife/?action=view¤t=2ibn4gz.jpg

________________________________________________________________________

18. Write about death, or someone close to you who has died.

Not personal, but it is about death =( i've never written anything like this before so please go easy on me. haha
~*~

A contest entry

feedback would be greatly appreciated :D

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 19 of 19

  • Noir mariposa...x gold member
    February 26

    Edit | Reply
    This has got to be one of the best writes I've read this year!
    Simply marvelous, it flows well and it brought a tear to my eye

    Congratulations on a well deserved gold ^^
    Claire x


  • cbsbecm88
    October 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    good emotion and good writing! this was very good! thanks and good luck!


  • Christina-is-crazy
    September 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Hey
    First id like to say
    this is a beautiful poem.
    I really liked it.
    I held this contest becasue my aunt just died not that long ago.
    and i wanted to see what other people
    thought and felt about ther loved ones who passed
    and there love ones who are dying.
    Such an amazing poem.
    i really like your writing
    Thanks so much for entering my contest
    i hope to see some of your other poems in my upcoming contest~



    ~~~christina

  • The Rainbows Mind
    September 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    This indeed was a brilliantly painted image.

    A friend of mine actually went through something similar to this. It's unfortunate, but that's what this reminded me of.
    To lose a loved one to "natural" circumstances. I've lost people closa to me, but that would be dang near devistating


  • whiterabbit.
    September 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    oh wow sweetie. This is amazing and so powerful. I feel like I can relate sooo much to all of the emotions in this (except the boy didn't die, but in a way the boy that I had fallen in love with did, I feel like he no longer exists)

    "Love;
    the one word my mouth could never seem to form
    until you took one immediate step into my heart
    and changed how I examined things forever."

    "Something strong & powerful died in me
    I wilted like a flower without the sun
    when a sudden phonecall buried my happiness
    & grew into disconsolation
    [you.were.gone]
    & what tore at every string in my body the most
    was that you weren't coming back."

    The emotions in this are so strong and heartbreaking and the imagery is just gorgeous. This is so beautifully written and heartfelt. I absolutely adore it.
    Congrats on the gold shiny thing, dollface and good luck in the other contests.

    ♥


  • etoile
    September 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Now I'm standing at the edge of the pier
    mascara tears streaming down my swollen cheeks
    blurring my vision & clouding my every passing thought.
    ---
    i loove the imagery.

    & what tore at every string in my body the most
    was that you weren't coming back.
    ---
    kay so firstly i want to say i LOVE the second stanza.. but its kinda long so i don't feel like copying it in here.. and i looove how these lines relate to it when you said 'string's' and its like the guitar strings.

    you completed me
    & I no longer felt whole.
    ♥
    ---
    i love that.
    this was a beautifully sad poem
    and i completely understand how the title relates.
    especially with the picture.
    this was amazing

    thanks for entering and goodluck


  • reckless abandon
    September 6, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This made me sad as I was reading it. Amazing job, thanks for entering and good luck.


  • she still smiles x gold member
    September 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Awwww

    *tear**tear*

    So sad but so beautiful...but god hoe, I know this is about a girl losing the love of her life, but I read it and this reminds me so much of Jeff...

    -I'd lay in bed, counting the thousands of tiny dots on the ceiling
    while you clumsily plucked the broken guitar strings
    strumming out a harmonious melody
    only meant for our hearts to hear-
    What a powerful picture and incredible choice of words.

    --[you.were.gone]
    & what tore at every string in my body the most
    was that you weren't coming back.--

    I definitely teared up reading that, haha.

    --Every now & then I'd take an aimless walk through the park
    listening to the leaves dance on the tree branches
    & taking a deep breath every second you crossed my mind.--

    Just beautiful imagery && I like the sense of a girl who's lost someone she loves so much..walking through a park by herself...maybe not exactly at peace, but enjoying the solitude around her and thinking of him.

    ilovedthissomuch<3333333


  • Shacadia Shay
    August 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    ok firstly i love this poem it's everything i asked for it even brought tears to my eyes. thank you so much for sharing. but now i must regretfully ask you to go back & reread the rules, then add my symbol to your notes so i know you have read them properly.
    thank you for entering my contest & best of luck.
    --Blessed be--
    Shacadia Shay


  • aanika
    August 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Something strong & powerful died in me
    I wilted like a flower without the sun
    when a sudden phonecall buried my happiness
    & grew into disconsolation
    [you.were.gone]

    very nice.
    I love the way you write.
    good luck, love.


  • Kiss the girl--x
    August 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    'the water was frightening & cold, but so was the best of me
    these bones were weak and I couldn't stand on my own two feet anymore.

    you completed me
    & I no longer felt whole.'

    that ending... i'm like millimeters from being really mushy and soft and being all teary lol
    this was so beautiful though[like every other syllable you write]

    ♥


  • AshleyAesthetic
    August 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I honestly wanted to tear up reading this.
    Its extremely sad....and even though its about the love of the girls life passing away, it reminded me of a terrible break-up i had a little more than a month ago and it was like your words were my thoughts on the screen for me to see.
    You always have great heartfelt writes =)


  • chasingwhiterabbits
    August 27, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This is so sad...I love this poem, and I almost teared up too. Good job, and good luck.


  • owlish
    August 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Amazingly sad and yet beautiful. A truly meaningful free verse poem. I wish I could quote but I like every single line. Good job. I want to cry. I sincerely, genuinely hope you win shiny gold trophies in both contests!

  • hardeepb
    August 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    So beautiful and heartfelt..such a deep write.

    "Love;
    the one word my mouth could never seem to form
    until you took one immediate step into my heart
    and changed how I examined things forever."

    It's true...I too have met this one person...although she isn't dead...we are not able to be together. Very heartfelt...I hope you win something!


  • XBeautiful MistakeX
    August 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Omgawsh this is so sad..But I love your poetry..You better win or I might have to kill someone

    -Huggles-

    Oz


  • Nienna Calmcacil
    August 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    ...well I can't wait till it's done...Though there's only a few lines right now it sounds like it will be amazing..

1 - 19 of 19