blue screen of grudgingly slow computer burns tired eyes
wide leggs and big footed people encroach tiny chair from two sides
screaching voice of red faced street person howls behind backside of head to give up the terminal
librarin churps instructions for the fourth time across cossway of screens to open mouthed Japanese with cameras dangling from necks
tiny boy reaches under my right arm;pressing delete button; erasing two pages of slowly pecked prized poems
A contest entry
- Write Me a List Poem by chordphrute.
1000 points, ended August 29, 2008, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please use constructive criticism!
Comments
-
C'mon it ain't true!
Please don't tell me that's how you lost your poems. Glad to see that you survived this. Take care my friend.
-
Great subject for a poem. The library from HELL!
The details you have painted make this a very enjoyable poem to read. I especially love the red faced screaming person and the final line about the tiny boy, whom I am sure knew just what he was doing...
I might have strangled him. He probably wanted to play some lame game like "Blues Clues".
I remember those library days at the computer with my son, the whining at the 15 minute time allotments, etc.
Each of us has our own computer now.
I don't envy your predicament!
-
Hiya and thanks for entering!
I always try to give a bit of a critique as well as tell you all the lovely reasons I like your work, so I will. I hope you don't mind.
I like your title - I like the subject and the objects. I like that the structure is some what lackadaisical which I think most likely gives fruition to your person. You did a lovely job.
I think perhaps you would benefit from just a little bit more structure, maybe a couple more objects - something odd throw in there that seemingly doesn't belong.
Also - from a reader point of view - I'd like to know more about where the library is located.
Adding your comment:
