Eyes glued [shut]
to fight off the loneliness & suffocation
of never again feeling your lips brush against my firm skin
& feeling safe; while your tender hands swayed up & down my arms.
Eyes open [wide]
to feel the walls breathe around me
trapping me in a familiar place in time
where I'd barricade my emotions so they'd never be shown
but you hastily climbed over; scars & cuts inflicting your body
only to save my deleterious soul
and ineluctably
make me complete.
Now all I can do is blankly stare out the frosted window
breathing warmth on the iced pane
creating a haze just big enough
to engrave 'I love you' with my one shivering finger [can you hear me?];
the tears shed from these eyes
only because I was never strong enough
to fully give myself to you.
I spend hours reminiscing on recently taken photos
smiles, now turned to dust, & only shown on glossy paper
tear stains buried in my pillows
& sleepless nights gawking at the ceiling;
making out shapes & illusions I know were never there
I was hoping to see your eyes
glued to my broken brittle body
but you were nowhere to be found.
I knew we were a wrong fit from the very beginning
but I clung to your devotion and generosity
because those were two of the wonders I had never had.
We were a cureless disease
& considerably apprehensive of who we were
or who we claimed we wanted to be.
I bargain to regain my innocence
from time wasted carrying these burdens on my shoulder
& you weighing down my [heart]
But for the first time in weeks;
I feel I'm ready to let you go,
& move on.
♥
Silver trophy winner
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