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The Rising City

A wail is wrenched beneath the tides
Oozing dolour of dourly stains of old,
Rising in fizzing waters deep
Dark spires of Babylon skyward creep.

Legends so tell of cities, time has knelled

Their rubble resting beneath tides,

Yet, rising from dust of long dormant sleep

The spires of Babylon appear from its keep.

Spirits of long distant slumber

Arise to walk about in floating mists,

As spectral witnesses in quells of twists

The coming dawn, as light has shown

The long forgotten name of Babylon,

On dunes the winds had swept in moans.

Let me know How this makes you feel, what do you think?

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • Mairi bheag gold member
    August 31, 2008
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    Atmospheric!


  • ventus11
    August 29, 2008

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    great write

    kinda erie and dark but powerfull. you did a great job with this piece. cant wait to read more for you cause you are a really talented writer.


  • Curious LiLi
    August 27, 2008

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    Those words twisted together magically.

    "Dark spires of Babylon skyward creep."

    I love this line with a passion!


  • myrataal silver member
    August 27, 2008

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    Wrought from the ancient Origin ...

    and reinforced by references and repetitions like long dormant sleep, long distant slumber and long forgotten name, this poem touches on the haunting mystical of the coming dawn ...

    Magical write. Well done, Poet.

    Love
    Myra


  • Clovis...Curious silver member
    August 27, 2008

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    Superb plus

    Wow, makes me wonder when will our civilization end? And how will it end? Imagery, rhythm and rhyme are just fine.


  • sassykitty
    August 27, 2008

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    Wow this is certainly an evocative write - couple of typos - comming/coming, riseing/rising but they don't at all detract from the impact of this. Excellent imagery really paints a vivid portrait. An interesting and original write, thanks for sharing.


  • suseann
    August 27, 2008

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    A spectral alignment with antiquity for the ages whispers it's deepest most hidden secrets on the wind swept sands of time.
    A reader feels the salty air and a deafening sound of sizzle rushing to the shore. Mysterious and alluring to the senses piece Scribe!


  • RestlessDreamer
    August 27, 2008

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    Very nice poem! I enjoyed the story you told and the images you used to tell the story. Good job!!!

  • Eusebius
    August 27, 2008
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    A fine and dour piece conjuring up of a sunken Mu or Atlantis-like Babylon... bravo... bravo..

1 - 9 of 9