Sometimes

I hate going to sleep each night and seeing you
I hate having to wake up and have you not be here
Sometimes I miss the way it feels when I run my hand threw your hair
and I miss the feel of your breath on my neck
the touch of your skin on my skin

I miss the sound of the boys laughing from the other room
And the feeling of just being happy from looking into there eyes
I wake up at night wanting to go check on them just to realize
I cant and never will be able to again
I want to feel there arms around me
and hear there voice
I just want to be able to look at them and say I love you
and have them say it back
Its been so long since I have seen them
I just want to hold them

I should not be writing this I don't know why I am
Sometimes its just too much
You and I we could not make things work
And now I'm married to the love of my life
But still sometimes I think about what things
would have been like if we could have made it work
Sometimes I still need you!

I wonder if its easy for you just to move on
be happy and be in love
If you love her more then you ever loved me
or if its just a show
If they love her more then me
If they hate me because I walked away
I left them
I felt like there mother

What mother walks away and leaves her boys?
I am missing so much of there lives
But its not like I could take them with me
I miss them and love them so much

And now I try to talk to you
and you just don't care
I know I hurt you but damn it you hurt me too

I know its wrong but I cant help it
and sometimes I just miss the feel of your hair as I run my hand threw it

I go to sleep and I dream of you every night since the day I left
and each night I get to hold the boys and love them
but every day I have to wake up and be here

Sometimes its hard to be around other kids
At work I will be holding a little boy
and  I will think back and just start crying
then I have a 4 year old looking at me asking whats wrong
Its not like I can explain it
so I say I'm just sad
and that's not a lie

I don't know what to do half the time
I'm so confused
and sometimes I miss the feel of your skin on mine!