Glazed in anguish
septic smiles fade,
no more deceptions
no longer afraid.
Dormant crows fly
many dark paths,
unleashing the anger
moments of wrath.
All dreams expired
visceral flames glow,
a sobering journey
finality's show.
No longer trapped,
confined within cells,
opened arm welcome
I walk into hell.
Author notes
Prompt : The Group SEETHER. The song: Fine again
Inspored by the line: Too late, I’m in hell
A contest entry
- Fine again by Unsigned.
300 points, ended September 17, 2008, 11 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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Scares me.. hehe Well writen..
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This is really good...
True to the feelings of the song and well written and thought out..
Congrasts on a great write and a stunning background
Simon
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i have walked into the hell and i was the one who turned on the AC, lol, this is a kick ass song i mean that, keep it flowing and good luck in the contest
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"Dormant crows fly" - Even those in herd mentality can get caught up in cyclones.
Enjoyed reading.
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Oh wow this is amazing a write hun
Powerful darkness penned to perfection
the rhyme and flow
Fantastic background to show off your words
All dreams expired
visceral flames glow,
a sobering journey
finality's show.
Good luck in Simon;s contest ..
Julie
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ooh wow this is amazing your wording word play is just lovely your amazing at poetry dear
all my love, love you lots twinny
kitty xxx -
the first four lines are my favorite. beautifully written
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I like all the wording and images in this. Full of impact and depth. I especially like,
'Glazed in anguish
septic smiles fade,
no more deceptions
no longer afraid.'
Love the dark undertones in this. Great job! Best wishes in your contest.
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OMGOMGOMGOMG
What an awesome prompt. "Fine Again" is my favorite song my Seether...although the collab with Amy Lee was freaking awesome too.
"septic smiles"<==this sounded familiar. Have you used this before, or am I crazy? Well anyhow, 'septic' is a RAD word Reina.
"Dormant crows fly
many dark paths,"
I think you could lose 'fly'...I mean, what else is a crow going to do? Boogie down? LoL...actually in poetry, a crow probably could boogie down, but I'm getting off-topic. I think saying a crow flying is a tad redundant. Otherwise, I like crows being used in dark imagery...they're like ravens, but less liked.
'visceral flames'
Ew...Makes me think of Evil Willow.
'visceral' is SUCH a cool ass word...
"I walk into hell."
Willingly?!
Nice.
Good luck
Jessica
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Hey thanks for the fabtastic comment! I could have used septic smiles before, not sure to be honest
I know I've used visceral before. Does it remind you of the tree scene with warren?...lol Does me And yes the walking into hell is willingly 
Must remember to check this band out (I've not heard of them!)
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Yeah, it reminds me of the flaying scene.
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As I started reading this I was thinking it had a lyrical quality to it!! And there it is, based on Seethers song (I love Seether )...
You really captured that line and gave it song strong dark depth here hunny!!
"a sobering journey
finality's show." <== That is so awesome!!
And the ending is powerful!! Back to your dark best here hun!! Superb!!!
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"Fine Again" is my favorite song by them.
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Ohhh awesome song!! But "Broken" with Amy Lee... rocking!!!!
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Very broody songs...I love it.
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thanks for the wonderful comment hun, been so long since I wrote something dark I was beginning to think it had gone
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