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Piece by piece x

Fulfillment laid seasons turning

coolness of breeze

taste the air I breath

 

Fading now submitting

controlled the flight

passenger on  ride of lifetime

 

Brittle spite snapping spine

twisted logic

bares the scars

 

Truthful lies lay uncovered

crafted perfection of infidelity

darkness the joke revealed

 

Walls of China

crumbled rubble came a divider

piece by piece

 

Driven by hunger

mouth's to feed

and the savings now dwindled to nothing

 

Held high the pride

fake smile for all to see

laughter hoarse raw to the throat

 

Tiled roof my holding

plastered walls new lick of paint

broken furnishings replaced

 

United a family

where seven became six

and I see it all coming together

 

Fight I will not

but lose is not an issue

for this place in my treasured home

 

Conquer my emotions,

self worth

face of inner beauty floats to the surface once more

 

Love is a hand that is far but near

touching tips

clasp desires

 

Held close nearly there

my journey mid spread

waiting for those unanswered questions

 

Seasons turning...

 

Author notes

to write about: anything your heart desires

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Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • mysticstorm gold member
    September 11, 2008

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    You did an amazing job with this on...so deep and full of emotions...lovely metaphor and flow...it says so much in poetic devices...truly well done.
    mystic


  • Age of Rain
    September 11, 2008

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    This is wonderfully emotional. Truly a touching write that grasps at the very heart of the reader. Lovely and sad all at once.


  • Fritz O skennick gold member
    September 1, 2008

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    Love this...

    Totally captivating throughout...
    Great narrative, imagery & wordplay/choice/use...
    Loved the chattiness of the piece & its carefully laid subtext too...
    Another great write...
    Well done!!!

  • imahealer
    August 29, 2008

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    Understand Your Implied message!

    Such a metaphor of your life, as fall approaches. My favorite and the most unique: "Walls of China crumbled rubble (nice alliteration) came a divider - piece by piece"

    loved the mention of "unanswered questions" that may never be answered, yet still there is hope, and leaves the reader with a very positive feeling.

    Constructive critique: second stanza: too many filler words that interrupt the flow. Try " passenger on ride of lifetime" If you don't like that arrangement, you are the artiste! Do what you feel is right for your wonderful verse, and very best wishes!
    Love you sis!
    XOXO


  • Sweet Impatience gold member
    August 28, 2008

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    WOW.... this is full of so many emotions, the imagery is astounding. to me this touches a place inside that not many know about. you know I'm sure.. sounds a bit like someone's life.. someone very close to me.. you know who that is I'm sure you do..

    if taken the time and yes reading between the lines.. a poet's life can be seen... their past, their present and everything in between.

    I love this poem a lot.

    I love you more

    good luck in the contest Mum

    kat


  • onesugar gold member
    August 28, 2008

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    A wonderful write hon...in which I could relate.
    Good luck with this in the contest.
    ~sugar~


  • maralisa silver member
    August 28, 2008

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    wow julie a wonderful poem full of strong emotions and powerful imagery brittle spite is a powerful yet subtle description good luck in the contest my friend take caremarina


  • BuriedTreasures silver member
    August 28, 2008

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    Excellent Composition and I admire the "Brittle Spite" reference--Excellent choice of words.
    Well Done & Best of luck in the contest!


  • daviscth silver member
    August 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is another awesome poem and I just loved the imagery you have created sis. Good luck in the contest.


  • LadyDementia gold member
    August 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Brittle spite snapping - awesome phrasing! Wow this is an amazing piece hunni I love the reference to the wall of china to, great imagery. And the end rocks, pulls it all together perfectly. One beautiful poem spilled from your quill! Much luck in your contest

1 - 10 of 10