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In my mind.

In my mind are many things,

pen and paper constantly meeting,

photographs of life and love,

broken hearts and broken promises,

smiling faces of family,

crushes, card games, and cookie recipes,

my closet's layout,

and up-dos for my hair,

my puppy's daily favorite toy,

my nephew's laughter when we play,

the busiest work schedule I've ever had,

the telephone number for my best friend,

silly theories about nothing,

bills that still need to be paid,

tomorrow's recordings on my dvr,

do I have money to put gas in the car?


Author notes

I don't really know if thios is what you were looking for but I actually kind of like it. Let me know what you think.

A contest entry

what did you take away from this poem?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

  • chordphrute
    August 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Hello and thank you for entering. Is this the first time you've composed a list poem? A lot of writers really benefit from it and take something away from the exercise. I hope you did, too.

    I like your structure. I like the second and third lines best. I also really like the last line. Overall, you absolutely responded to the exercise correctly and followed the rules, so thank you.

    Suggestions: I say this a lot but try to avoid cliche. How else can you describe the smiling faces of your family, crushes, your nephew's laughter,"broken hearts and broken promises" etc? Throw something weird in there. Also - think of your descriptions - is there anywhere you can add more - anything you can take away? Is there anything that's redundant? Think about adding texture, color, and metaphor. Tell me about those silly theories. Tell me about the bills or what you're recording, or even what kind of car you have,




    • l33t-n1nj4
      August 28, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      yeah it is the first time I have done a list poem. I wasnt sure exactly how it would go. Im glad I did it correctly even if I don't improve it completely before the contest is over maybe after I finish editing you can tell me what you think cause I did enjoy writing this
      . It made me think about alot of place just for the basis of the piece even. It was an awsome contest idea.