The smell of hay
The feel of leather
The clip clop of hooves
The taste of dust
The hard of saddle
The smooth of reins
The boots squishing my feet
The neigh of my horse
The smell of horse
The sound of flesh under leather
The swishing horse tail
The tightness of pants
The thoughts screaming in my mind
Go left
Go right
Turn here
Go faster
All the things in my Barn
Author notes
Out of boredom for a contest. I don't even know if it is a list poem.
A contest entry
- Write Me a List Poem by chordphrute.
1000 points, ended August 29, 2008, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Did you feel, smell, taste, see, and feel what I wrote?
Comments
-
Hello!
Thanks for entering.
Well, yes, it is a list poem. I like that it's not grammatical and I really enjoy the fact that you chose a barn - it's not something a lot of people would choose. I like your use of specialized terms that always increases value to poems, i.e. leather, reins, saddle, hooves... my suggestions: work with that. You obviously know a little bit about barns and farms. Use your technical language - make yourself sound like the expert.
Not sure if you're familiar with synesthesia. If not - look it up. Your poem would benefit from the use of it. I would love to taste the boots squishing your feet or smell the leather as you hear it or touch it... sounds weird, but trust me it would work.
Thank you !
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