pleaseXdieXana

I'm not really sure
if I'm ready to admit
all the things that come to mind.
I don't think I'm ready for any of it.
But its here...
and so is it's memory,
of all the things
that in the past
have been my demise.

Its like a steady step

left, right, left, right
pace pace pace

and suddenly it quickens,
and you stumble
and you fall,
and you raise your head only to find
your -.past.- tied your shoes laces again

and you stop and wonder if this is definite.

its not.
but it is.
and, .my. .love. this is the END
but this path has just begun
for the fourth time.

This is hard.
This is ridiculous.
This is unnecessary.
and this is it.

I am ruined,
and I will be beautiful
when I hit bottom.

I'll look up at your faces
mascara stained pillow cases
and tell you

"I don't mean to be this way"

But I'm working so hard.
I'm trying so hard
to be that girl that I promised I'd never be again.

and he says:
"I miss the girl you used to be."

(be/careful/what/you/wish/for)