Of all the really stupid things I have done
The idiocy described here is number one.
It happened one cold day in November;
I can chuckle now, when I remember.
The first day of Deer Season was here.
I decided on black powder that year.
I bank up the stove and went out the door.
Returned ten hours later; half past four.
As soon as I entered, there was no doubt;
Inside the house, my fire had gone out.
House was cold; it was not gonna be good
To start a fire with unseasoned wood.
Crumbled up papers from the Sunday News
With semi-green wood and kerosene, I’d choose.
I lit the paper, and then had to wait.
It was getting colder and getting late.
Five minutes later, I found the stove cold
The fire had gone out, it was getting old.
Added more kerosene, it failed to start.
Then, I thunk a thought that wasn’t so smart.
Perhaps gunpowder would do the trick…
I sprinkled five hundred grains on a stick.
And then, because I wanted to be sure
I tossed in about a thousand grains more.
(You may ask if my brain had expired;
My answer: I was cold, wet, and tired.
White gunpowder burns, black powder explodes;
Fatigue clouds clear thought and corrodes.)
Then I knelt on the linoleum floor,
Lit a match and stuck my arm through the door.
There was a spectacular, bright, blinding flash,
Followed by a belching puff of grey ash.
I withdrew my now red and hairless arm
And solemnly attempted to gage the harm.
Second and third degree burns soon appeared;
From fingers to wrist my hand had been seared.
An hour later I got it started.
My son asked what happened. I said “Stove farted”.
He shook his head slowly and said “Dad,
You’re a safety consultant. This looks bad.”
Author notes
Prompt: I want it to be funny!!! I want you to tell me about a time you knew It was a bad ideal to do somthing but you did it anyway and got hurt. I want to fill your pain and I need a good laugh abut now soooooooo.......
In a list
A contest entry
- Ohhhhhhh That Hurt by Juggalo-King.
600 points, ended September 2, 2008, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Clbuttic Mistake by NeedaMuse.
600 points, ended September 15, 2008, 2 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - My Favorite Mistake by breedluv.
1750 points, ended December 9, 2008, 14 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 48 of 48
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Oh my God! Haha! I don't mean to laugh at pain but this is hilarious! You're a safety consultant! But I can understand how something not well thought through happens when you're cold and tired...your instincts just kicked in sideways is all!
That picture is a scream too.
Síochán leat
~Mairéad~
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It was pretty stupid, but it makes for a great story. Thanks for reading and commenting.
Mike
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This was long but very humorous. I loved it and your style of writing. Wonderful imagry and just wanted to say thank you for sharing your talent with the rest of us!
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Yeah, when I tell a true story I tend to get long winded. I am glad you enjoyed the poem. Thank you for reading and commenting.
Mike
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Part of my childhood was living with a damnable pot belled stove. I really aperciate what happened to you. This was an excellent write.
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I have an ancient wood stove but it is not one of the nice ones. It is functional and made of sheet metal and as little steel as possible. But, the important thing is that it does the job. I am glad you enjoyed the poem. Thank you for reading and commenting.
Mike
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enjoyed reading this well done very funny stuff.good use of rhyme and rhythm it flows really well.
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Thank you very much for reading and commenting. I am glad you enjoyed the poem.
Mike
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I bet that cleaned the soot out of the pipe, sorry you got hurt, I know how exasperating it is to try and start a fire over and over again. A good story and probably not too funny at the time, be glad you can laugh about it now.
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LOL. The soot shot out the door and all over the floor. Actually, I was laughing about it before the skin stopped smarting. It makes a good story.
Mike
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It is funny it is more funny because it is YOU . I mean I have this picture of people on here and I could never imagine you being one to slip up like this you make me think of Gibbs on NCIS the only program I watch besides the news.me yes you no =) too funny
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Yeah... I suppose. Would you believe that I am an environmental, health, and safety consultant? Yes, it is true.
Mike -
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Just gets better and better lol
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Bust a gut
Yea, that's a good one, but what I like most is how you put a no-brainer on paper, revealed yourself, and all the rest of us humans, in our humanity! I love the fact that you shared the story, but even more the light-hearted manner of your poetry! I never thought of such a use of words, but it is inspired. I will try to un-earth one of my own mistakes and put it in writing. Thanks, and Haa-Haa.
crystallady
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Thank you very much for reading and commenting on my poem. I am glad you enjoyed my confession of stupidity. Some stories like this make the best ones to tell at family get togethers.
Mike
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A nice light touch, cool. well done.
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Thanks. I am glad you like the poem. I told the story to a friend on here and she made a poem about it. No one believed her and said it was not a true story. I can assure you it is. When I tell it, it always gets a laugh.
Mike
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I Liked this
a lot
it soiund slike something my dad would do -
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Haha. My son hears things like this and says it sounds like something my Dad DID do.
Mike
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HA
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Thanks
Mike
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lmao! how did i let this one slip! superb! nicely done! funny from head to toe
lol congrats on the HM
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I am glad you enjoyed this one. The tragedy in this is that the story is true.
Mike
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My cheeks hurt
I loved this! Funny and I saw a bit of myself .
Thank you for the smile.
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I am glad that you enjoyed it. It is one of my more amusing disaster stories. The worst thing is .... I knew it was stupid when I did it. Thanks for reading and commenting.
Mike
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I loved it. Very entertaining write. And a unique take on the prompt. Thank you for your entry.
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Thanks for reading and commenting. I am glad you enjoyed the poem. The HM is much appreciated.
Mike
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This is hilarious.
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Thanks I am glad you liked it.
Mike
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Oh! I can't breathe!! lol. this was just so funny!! lol. You really did such a wonderful job!! oh man I can't stop laughing!! It's like a, "you poor thing" and a, " well thats just too funny" lol.. Bravo! you sure did make me laugh! Best of luck in the contest! Thanks much for sharing..lol.
Angel
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Thank you very much for reading and commenting. This story meets with either laughter or comments that I am a good story teller and a liar. I am glad you enjoyed the poem.
Mike
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LOL @ the end.
And also 'And then, because I wanted to be sure
I tossed in about a thousand grains more.' I always do that kind of thing XD
This was brilliant, one of my favourites from you. Well worth the work.
x
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I am glad that you enjoyed the poem. It was long but if I had left out details no one would have believed it. I told the story to a friend on here and she did a poem. No one believed her.
Mike
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Ask me how many times I've heard you tell this one, LOL.
Now tell them about the time you tried to put out a fire w/ your marshmallow vest, and the fire dept scolded you because you used to be on the fire dept
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Sssshhhhhhhhhhhh!!! That will be the sequal.
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LMAO It's just as funny now as it was way back when you first told me about it LOL. Though I'm sorry you got hurt, you should have known better lmao. I can't stop laughing, but it's WITH you, not AT you. And I wonder who got scolded for writing on this before
(hides) You're too much Chuckster..remember...no more gun powder when starting fires. 
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The worst thing about this was even if it had burned like white powder, it would not have caught the wood on fire as there was no tinder left. I did it because my attitude was "dammit, i know i can make flames".
It was a pure "fuckit" attitude. It did give me a good story to tell.
Mike
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LOL I have alot of those *fuckit* moments. But being cold and tired, I can sense your desperation for warmth. You got warmth alright lol, just not the way you wanted it
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I had a flash burn nearly up to my shoulder
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I can't breathe LMAO, hush lol And as it's getting closer to wintertime, for heaven's sake, please have seasoned, ready to burn wood this time
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lol funny
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Glad you enjoyed it.
Mike
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Excellent
Oh, my, my... I hope this wasn't a real experience. Imagery, rhythm and rhyme are just fine, my friend. Thanks for sharing. -
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Unfortunately, It is true. On a cold day, when the scars from this and other dumb things stand out, I have an interesting collage of life on my right hand. My left hand is scar free. It must be smarter.
Mike
Thanks for reading and commenting. -
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You are quite welcome. Wow, if my two hands start developing their own personalities, I don't know what I would do! (lol)
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If it's true about you being a safety consultant, then you should have known better, but it certainly gave me a good (but sympathetic) laugh.
All the best in the contest
Sue
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Unfortunately, it is true. A friend of mine worte a poem about this on here six months ago and was roundly abused for telling a story to stupid to be true. I am a safety consultan. I occaisionally use this and other stories from my own experiences when I teach safety classes. This one is used to illustrate the type of incredibly stupid errors one can make when very fatigued.
Glad you enjoyed the poem.
Mike
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Excellent - In advance
Hmm... (A. M. T. G.). I'll look forward to whatever mistake you choose to make.
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