He picked up after the second ring
‘Hello.’
She took a deep breath…
‘Would you walk on a path of glass
Just to reach me on the other side?’
‘Would you mould a perfect life
Out of my imperfections and flaws?’
‘Would you dive into an ocean of my pain
And drown yourself trying to save me?’
‘Would you paint over the fading walls
Of my doubts and mistakes?
‘Would you brace the cold icy winds
Just to climb the mountains of my heart?’
‘Would you add a splash of color
To my black and gray canvass of life?’
‘Would you look for me even though
I lost my self on purpose?’
‘Would you make me your number one
Even if you are an unknown number to me?’
‘Would you still love my present if you
Knew about my decaying past?’
‘Would you…’
Beep. Beep. Beep.
Connection lost.
Author notes
A contest entry
- #39 THEME CONTEST (: by Walk-Free.
700 points, ended January 2, 31 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Summer's gone, I overslept and woke up to the chill of fall by reckless abandon.
490 points, ended January 31, 47 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - COME ON YOU KNOW YOU WANNA CLICK IT. by Xxnightmare21xx.
625 points, ended March 2, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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Very good write. Thank you for entering my contest. best of luck. I really like how you made your poem into a phone conversation, but it could have been better. Thank you for entering i really appreciate it.
Your Judge
kaycee
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interesting
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how do i reply to 'interesting'
do i say thank you?
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I know that the person was listening on the other side, and that was the use of the breaks and such, but this still felt a little drawn out and monotone to me. I did like it though, for all the metaphors were wonderfully worded. Excellent write and good luck in my contest.
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ummm
thankss
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grr gaaah! I wish you had paid attention to my rules! you might have won my contest this was an amazing write
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Loved it!
The only thing I might criticize is your use of quotations. Consider removing all of your quotations from this poem, it tends to be a little distracting, and is unnecessary for this type of poem.
Overall, loved the working, format, and found this to be very powerful...GREAT JOB AND GOOD LUCK! -
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hmmm thank you
well the reason for the quotations is because it's a conversation so i wanted direct speech but thank you all the same
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this made me sigh. it reminds me of how some relationships will never work no matter how hard you try.
i love how you built up the tension with each question, and ended abruptly with the boy not even answering the questions.
brilliant work
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thank you sooo much
I'm glad you liked it
xx
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I love this! Great imagery and the use of questioning and imagery is so effective. The ending's poignant and really moving suggesting as it does a love lost. Would you still love my present if you knew about my decaying past - says it all. I can certainly relate to that. The subject of a lot of my work has a 'colourful' past shall we say but it doesn't matter, why should it. Great write. Good luck in the contest and thanks for sharing.
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teehee thank you!!!! a lot of my friends love this poem and im happy you enjoyed it! xx
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I loved this. Well done you! A terrific write.
Slayer
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oh yay!!
thank you! *blushes* im glad you liked
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ohhhhhhh this is very well done!! Truly expressive and - an overall fantastic take on the prompt.
Please give it a background, well done and best of luck!!
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thank you! and ill get right to giving it a background
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Beautiful i love the thoughts that it leaves you with and I love who it ends as the words grow and the thoughts grow darker still
Later
Romeo -
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hehe thank you! xx
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