soaked.
for the first time
in the lines of you,
i find towel-harmony.
the instant slips by,
but the stretch marks
where you have guessed me
linger.
you deal the cards
raw like a narrative river -
a game i couldn’t win
which has to be enjoyed
nonetheless,
recognizing the names
and drama feel
to shuffling the deck
at only fifteen.
i witness
the voodoo rituals of you growing up:
your pen neither blurs vision
nor sips cliché syrup.
astounded
i bow.
(you couldn’t have ever been wrong)
Author notes
Aug. 26, 2008
Rewrite of to the fortune teller, my first poem left on this account.
Like the first variant, this is dedicated to the very-talented Elena. With a reference to her Ode to Diana (nope, not me) which is the first poem by her that I have ever read.
I can only hope she reads this variant too someday.
In a list
A contest entry
- Re-write Your First by Puking Faerie Dust.
800 points, ended November 3, 2008, 17 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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This was so beautiful. You have definitely grown since your first on this account, though that was beautiful, too. The images and overall emotion was fantastic. I liked how you opened it with one word. I also liked the ending very much so. Thanks so much for entering
Jeanette*~
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what a great poem it is
i dont think i have the capability to make a comment on this poem
and specially you are far better than me in english..isnt it?
so how come i make comment on your poem
though thanks for sharing
and i really loved it
you deal the cards
raw like a narrative river -
a game i couldn’t win
which has to be enjoyed
nonetheless, -
i think i should have read this earlier then i did, keep it flowing my friend and good luck in the contest
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Wow - how did I miss this one? You are so lovely with your dedications
this just speaks to me on so many different levels - and it has left me with the ache of longing for something that I once almost had too - but enough about me 
this is fabulous one day you will write something that I can critique properly - but until then you will have to deal with my praise!
The end is perfect!
Keep writing
Polly
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Thank you. I always appreciate your comments, whether criticisms or praise This is more of a re-write of an old dedication.
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Beautiful, and really a nice dedication to a friend, I think.. it speaks of knowledge, experience, and a deep respect.
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amazing use of words.
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Talent you were born with and skill you have aquired. This is excellent. Your images are so vivid and your layers run so deep. Your words always capture a lifetime and reveal depths of heart and soul.
Good luck in the contest.
Garrison
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I love the instant slips by stanza and again, such fresh writing - it's always a pleasure and a bit of a tease to read your unusual pieces.
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I LOVE LOVE LOVE this!!!
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