I saw it move, behind my eye,
Inside the pupil's wall.
I don't know how, I don't know why,
But I could feel it crawl.
I stared at my reflection's face,
The thing, it looked at me.
Had there always been a place,
where it could always be?
It twitched again, that headache pain,
Inside my throbbing head
From in here, could it reach my brain,
And nestle there instead?
I leaned in close, and looked in deep,
My eye an icy blue,
And there I saw the little creep,
And there, it saw me too.
A little worm, perhaps a slug.
A creature sent from hell.
A little tiny burrow bug,
That knew my body well.
I saw a molted ball of skin,
Upon the flesh below.
Yellow, green, and tissue thin.
The thing still had to grow.
I had to dig it out of there.
It felt so wrong inside.
My body is no living lair,
For little beasts to hide!
I won't forget the things i've seen,
Before the day I die.
I wiped the kitchen knife so clean,
And shut my other eye.
I plunged it deep into my skull,
I found it tough at first.
Apparently the knife was dull,
But then my eyeball burst.
The slug, it burrowed deeper still,
I felt it thrash and chew..
I pushed it further in until,
I split the slug in two.
I flicked the corpse out on the desk,
All steeped in blood and gore.
My hollowed eye looked so grotesque,
but better than before.
The doctor's fixed me in a week,
A mirror's on the wall.
I know they told me not to peek,
but it can't hurt at all...
I slowly lift the gauze and tape,
Across my padded patch.
I see a thousand little shapes,
and they begin to hatch...
Author notes
I've been writing increasingly more philosophical poems lately. This one is a nice return to form for me. Think this one should be labeled adult or no?
In a list
A contest entry
- Dark and Scary by JeannieD Hunter.
1000 points, ended September 1, 2008, 17 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 29 of 29
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wow that was amazing!! i love te imagry in it and the ending was fantastic..
very funny indeed
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great job i love your imagination :]]]
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Wow Awesome
Loved it! *shivers* That was so creepy. Great work. I hope you win. I especially liked the ending. It reminds me of a movie, an old one but good, The believers, but in that one spiders hatched out of some ones cheek. This is one to tell around the campfire. I give it 4 applause.
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*shivers* that was almost too vivid. it gave me chills. you did an excelent job of bringing into focus a new fear for me. i'm going to have nightmares about this now.........
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This piece gave me the heebie jeebies man!
Bugs (especially worm like creatures scare the SHIT out of me! I am always SO scared somethings gunna lay eggs in my ears, hair brain or eyeballs! You put my fears to life in this vivd poem! I love the flow and the way you set the story, I love how you create the scene in my mind with your words, I saw you stabbing your own eyeball and physically cringed while reading it!
The last couple lines were awesome too! Scary, but awesome!
Great write! Thanks for sharing!
Brea
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I cracked up when I read the last 2 lines. This is definitely fitting right in with your usual style. As usual (I feel like a broken record now) the rhyme was flawless as was the rhythm and the meter. It's one of my favorites from you, then again, I have yet to come across a poem of yours I didn't like, so that isn't surprising. Congratulations on the well deserved trophy! Nice job here.
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This is what it's all about. You have written a perfectly dark piece filled with imagination. I absolutely loved it and read it twice. Congrats on the well deserved gold.
Third line of the third stanza is off meter, but it isn't a biggie. Thanks for sharing your talent
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I thought this poem was very well written and I enjoyed it a lot. The imagry and the flow were great. Very nicely done.
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I liked this poem a lot.
"I flicked the corpse out on the desk,
All steeped in blood and gore.
My hollowed eye looked so grotesque,
but better than before."
That was the only stanza that seemed a little off to me. All if it flowed nicely, but it wasnt like this with this stanza. Maybe change the order of the lines? But overall, you did a great job. keep up the great work.
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Hm change the order? Is your problem with the meter or the content? Thanks for reading
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OH SHIT!!!
I LOVED THIS!!! I absolutely love horror, the more blood guts and gore the better. But this kind of put me in my of
"The Thing", another really old black and white movie called
"the Tingler"and that Stephen King movie where the man is cursed with a eye growing on his shoulder. You my friend penned a true macarbe masterpiece. I want more, more, more. Without reading the other entries in this contest, I can still say this deserved gold. -
fabulously brilliant!
This is literally an amazing piece of writing.
Fantastic job. The rhyming was perfect along with the time. I loved this to it's core.
-JM<3
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Oh, goodness gracious, I dare say, this is rather brilliant! Adore the imagery, the flow divine, and so appeasing, how it sounds so lovely, though depicting such deep, dark despair and futility. I do like the many different meanings I’ve managed to gain from this write; very thought-provoking. I felt as I read that this was the battle of man verses nature, and how man, despite technology and medical advancements, cannot always prevail over the battle against nature. And how we are not machines, and that realization of how we are finite, cannot always fix ourselves or be fixed, remain perfect and untarnished, invincible, how a sort of conception fate forms- control is not always attainable in our lives, we are not immune to physical death and disease, to mental or inner destruction, and even when it seems we are in perfectly logical control, a seemingly small and simple problem easy to demolish, the disgust and horror in defeat is all that much more potent as a result in the end- just as through all that effort, and what seemed to be a sound victory over parasitic invasion, the ugly despair and perhaps acceptance of fate when the myriad larvae are discovered at the end. Superb and vibrant write, adore it, quite an experience! Very well done!!!
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oh god i hate gore but couldnt help continue to read, i was cringeing by the end of the first stanza!! yet again your flow is perfect you have an amazing ability to write with such imagery, hate it but loved it!!
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I really loved this, it was great. My only complaint was that I wanted MORE, MORE, MORE! Splendid writing here, keep it up.
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Oh God......bugs why do I keep reading I hate bugs I can't stand bugs creepy crawly things nasty little buggers. Yes DEFINITLY adult. And a warning about bugs. good flow nice rythm too well done oh dear god I hate bugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
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Scary stuff,
Nice twist.
Don't like it! (By which I feel I shpuld explain myself. I'm not saying the poem wasn't good. It was. Very good. I'm so not good with horror tho, Dunno why I clicked on it!! Silly, silly me!) -
Should be labeled as adult. But its still an excellent write. Creepy and my imagination works too well.. Ewwwwww to say the least!
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Oh damn looks like I already commented on this one kebs but i just had to leave you a comment again because i saw it in shameless promotion. My my you are popular =D
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Awesome! I love the horror intensifing in each stanza...great job
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Wow. This thing made me shiver. I love it.
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I KNEW IT
I had a feeling you'd get gold every time I read this it's awesome it loses nothing by knowing the poem -
OMG~~
Now that is what I called Oy!! I remember watching a wormy thing in a person's eye and the surgeons had to get it out but dangggggg ~this took the cake
and to have hatchlings-
One begins to ponder fate
I had seen larvae on a man's gums~ which reminded to sleep with mouth closed
Tight rhyme also~
Excellent take on the prompt!!
Congratulations on Your Trophy win!
-Throws confetti-
Woooooooooo Hoooooooooooo
Thank You for sharing Your Talent and Voice~
Many blessings to You in all You do Sweet Soul
Best wishes too
and much love & light~ Desire~*~
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WOW!! First off the rhythm and flow of this is awesome. And the story line suits a Hitchcock thriller! Wonderfully dark and chilling. Very well done! Thank so much for entering and good luck!
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Goodness!!!
This was one of the greatest poems I have ever read in my entire LIFE! I loved every second of it, everything, it seemed interesting from the START! THIS is the type of poem I'd LOVE on my contest. This is what I love to read! This would have certainly won my contest, hands down! Keep writing like this! I will check your other work!!
I am in LOVE with this poem.
And no, don't put it on adult..
I won't be able to read it...
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Brilliant
This is one of the best reads that I have actually enjoyed from start to finish. It reminds me of some story that would be on Tales from the Crypt. Well done!
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This was a really amazing poem. I enjoyed the ending especially. To me, it could have been taken two ways: either the bug creature laid eggs deep in his skull or the doctor put them there, or the man had initially imagined the bug in a pcycosis state, and then he "saw" the eggs in the horror of his eyeless socket. Either way, I enjoyed reading this from start to finish.
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yikes, so loosing that eye was all in vain how sad really. Now what I got from this did the doctor put it there? I dunno I thought that for a moment because they told him not to peek, or perhaps his eye socket may still look a little gruesome. Anyway as always a fantastic read
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this poem is awsome, please dont put it on adult, i wont be able to reread it! its creepy, but awsome, it would gross my friends out, and i love stuff like that! great write!
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OMG OMG OMG
I'm gonna have nightmares from this I LOVE Horror but I have a terrible fear of bugs and I freak out when they're near me, I could so see this happing and it gave me the creeps I could see it all WAY too clear, but I LOVE it at the same time I could actually feel that which isn't good but proves you know how to show. I don't know what I'd do in that situation Cause I have a phobia of bugs but at the same time I also can't stand anything sharp near my face (pens, edges of paper, even pointy things on tv coming toward the screen make my eyes hurt it is weird) If there was a way I would favorite this poem it's awesome. Good luck in the contest it's the best I've seen so far (including mine)
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