Just a long time passing but they haven't gone to graveyards ... yet.
I've chosen to comment on your contest as one as the subject matter and style are the same.
The tone and quality of the poems are raw, factual. All perspectives are given. the battlefield, the after math. Not only that of the soldier but of civilians. This is not written with eloquence or grace, because war isn't eloquent or graceful. Like a journalist reporting a war, no punches are pulled. But like a photo journalist, this is where deep rooted emotion comes in. There is a painful picture that is painted, that actually starts out quite insidiously and gets larger and more vivid as one reads on. It is nearing the middle where the reader has been, like a scene out of "A Clockwork Orange" been strapped down in a chair and their eyelids pinned open, are forced to see what war really is. The pain, the brutality, the ugliness and yet... because the men/woman are there, the necessity of what they must do. These two poems are raw, factual in your face that screams don't forget, I won't let you forget the why:we are fighting, the where: where we are fighting, the how:how its being fought,the who: who is there, who came back how they came back, and who is still missing.
While the form is freestyle it is fluid. It reads like one is standing next to the author having a conversation. I think that is what genuinely makes this work. To give this topic rhyme in some respects would take away the reason. To give it a meter that is exacting takes away the step the author has walked in. The meter here is the length of the road walked, there are not perfectly timed beats in the battlefield. Nor are there any in the nightmares that creep up on the men and women who have fought.
One might argue the length of your works. I don't think that it would be from loss of interest. But rather the in your face, forced to take the imagery that is in your head not seeping into theirs. A rather scary prospect to be inside of such brutality don't you think? Others like myself would say, its not long enough. It is never enough, its not raw enough, its not brutal enough, its not enough lest you forget. What the readers don't realize here is that they are privy to something that no doctor, no family member, no civilian is privy to. A veteran sharing the experience of the war. I've worked and live with veterans, the only time I've been privy to any part of what is in the veterans experience has been through a funny annectdote or the wild thrashing of a nightmare. Unfortunately, my experience is the common place rather than the uncommon place.
~As to the question of the title of your contest. People tend to respond in kind. The harsh reality is that we reap what we sow. For me personally, by and large I put a lot of myself in my comments. I know and understand how time consuming it can be to respond to comments, so I respond to those that genuinely touch me, to those that have put forth the effort of their comments to me. But what I will do for those I haven't responded to a comment is to RTF and give my thanks in my review of the work I'm reading. When I do come here, which isn't that often anymore, I do try to give equal time to my favorites. And the flip side of that is;I find that when some stop reading me, I stop reading them. As I said, people respond in kind, its just human nature.
Author notes
heartnsoul
A contest entry
- Where have all the poetic reponses gone, long time passing. by artis.
1300 points, ended September 4, 2008, 4 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Congradulations on your gold trophy. Wow this is long and there is a lot of detail. While I read the soldier jumped out at me. With the war going on and so many been killed. But from what I am told quite a few come home April or May.
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That truly was an indepth review. I can clearly understand how it earned the top spot. I don't even have to go to the contest as I could figure out what was going on. Congrats!
Ted E
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Wonderful review, I liked the way you captured the force of the stimulus poetry in your comments, although I geuss it's hard not to respond to such intensity without being intense in return. Definatly a contest which evokes a true reaction from its contestants. I have to agree that many on AP seem to have forgotten how to make a constructive comment and I always try my hardest to put something of note into a comment, you don't have to be a literary genius to attempt a critical evaluation. If in life, like in AP at the moment, we all went around telling eachother how wonderful we were, no one would ever learn anything. Critisim is good!
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Excellent comments here also. I served during the Viet Nam era and am very well aware of the horrors of war also, Artis poems and your comments are all well taken.
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I've never known you to make a comment not based on how the work made you feel. In fact, if they gave prizes for 'on the spot' comments, you'd be first in line for the blue ribbon. And judging from the host's comment you should do well in this contest too.
"War is hell". There's really no other way to describe it. For those who made the ultimate sacrifice I can only salute you and promise to never forget you. For those who met it 'up close and personal', I can only live it vicariously and thank you profusely for doing your duty with honor as I personally never had that experience. For those who suffered the loss of a loved one I can only sympathize and send my condolences for your pain. For those who suffer in silence and pray that one day war won't be necessary to resolve differences I can only be a charter member of that majority.
Sincerely,
Leo Long
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Holy Smackamoly!
WOW!!! Michelle,
This is quite the review you have given here
You have most definitely poured your all into this! This could be a free verse poem in itself. I don't come here very often anymore either, but I am with you...when I do, I always try to read what my favorites are writng and comment on them. Hope all is well with you and I wish you all the best in this contest! This is a winner in my eyes.
Don
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What can I say to someone who has poured out their heart and soul, not only in words, but in their own flesh as well, who is serving in the current meat grinder set to crush and mangle by a cowardly bush.
you have hit the shell on it's mark, and sent images exploding across the page. It is never enough to simply write of war, one must feel it's abject horror, and that is so hard to do, without standing and staring down the barrels of death, as you breath a prayer, and the bullet weaves a near miss, and a future for some, and a collision and a box for others. I am glad I posted these poems, because so many more have read them then ever before, and they have been posted a l o n g
time. I could almost hear the eys opening, and the mouths dropping, at what the poems truly convey. You know of such musings, you have lived it as a mother.
There is not a billboard big enough to post this for the world to read and weep. War should never be entered into lightly, or in a rush, or for false reasons. Alas we are in such a war now, and the apathy erodes my soul. Thus this contest, lure with a large prize, then send all to the front lines to face the gruesome, ungodly nightmare of WAR!! Thanks for your entry, I was almost about to pull these both, and do a new contest with some trite and silly photo of mine, but now I am glad I did not retreat. You and feliX have restored my faith in these sorrowful scrawlings, Peace to you and yours and much love~~~Artis
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