Is she less heavy for lovers,
her lips bitten and chafed
at the end of the play?
she describes a perfect circle
around cold
everywhere the shivering began
pressing her hand against the window
of the train
as if she were small and old
in a cave her breath still warm
against the chill outside.
she spends her time
describing the thing left behind
feeling the arc of lace
reacting to a cold color
her fingers drum out notes
that will follow it around
rest and ascension
abduction and rescue.
Somewhere
between the candle and starlight
the words rush out
like tumbling children
lost in a masquerade.
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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I returned to reread this last stanza ...
Somewhere
between the candle and starlight
the words rush out
like tumbling children
lost in a masquerade.
I want to hug those children and rescue them from all fake.
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You always write beautifully when you touch innocence ...
it is when you become old that you get all gnarly ... Is that a word? I feel it and verbalize it ...
The freedom of being apart is being a part of own.
Did you know?
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What lovely flow you have to your writing! This is another stunning write.. I felt the emotion in it.. I can even read myself into those lines!
I shall bookmark this!
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Oh I missed this one Mr Lute but I am glad I came to read it. Sounds a lot like someone leaving the old familiar and painful stuff behind, maybe not voluntarily or maybe she's just too old and tired to play anymore. This feels like a Bronte novel, a strong woman finally beaten by life and the system, it has a Victorian flavor to my way of reading it. You know I adore the way you write anyway, I get a new story each time I visit
C
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love the title
love the last two stanzas especially
and the shivering early on
I think I am just not sure of the first line...is she less heavy for lovers
for some reason it left me outside something
where as I enter
everywhere the shivering began...
and stay
throughout
somewhere between candle and starlight
lovely
. Rewarded 6
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Oh. This is a really nice little poem that you have composed in here. I like the kind of disconnected feel of the character because I've had days like that too, so I could relate. My favorite lines where the last two because I liked the image. I thought you did a good job of expressing yourself here.
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well done
Flows well. Good rhythm. Develops an emotive image. I especially like the last stanza.
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Brilliant!!!
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On an obvious level this brings images of Emily Dickinson to mind. The 'woman in white'.
But aside from Emily, it becomes more an image of many, living in yesterday, outside of themselves rather than within -- while waiting for prince charming or any other suitable savior to come along and fix what remains ever broken.
cold color - first thought with that would be white, and all derivative cool blues or tones that fit with 'winter' or snow.
like the way the last stanza seems to sum up the deeper hours of night, privacy, secrecy and masks.
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excellent
Is she less heavy for lovers,
her lips bitten and chafed
at the end of the play?
she describes a perfect circle
around cold
everywhere the shivering began
pressing her hand against the window
of the train
as if she were small and old
in a cave her breath still warm
against the chill outside.
its really good to see the above words written in apoem.they were acrefully chsoen and made for good reading.thanks for sharing.visit my poetry as well.
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Loneliness
The first line singing of the lonely young women..she spends her time describing the thing left behind..speaks volumes of regret and hoping to be rescued..Great Poem
Conni"
. Rewarded 4
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wonderful love that last verse
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All the stanzas are necessary but the last two are exceptionally good.
I find this poem troubling. But yet can't figure out why. Something controls it and the Young Woman -- something outside her/our range of control. I'm not sure that is what it is really but that is sort of what I can put into words right this moment.
All the small details add up.
She spends her time
describing the thing left behind
cold this poem despite the implication of something warm in the lovers. absent. lonely. troubling or something.
I like it. But don't like it cause I can't hold it and yet it feels familiar.
I'll come back with any nits after I've had a bit of time in discovery mode with this.
hey! just like olden days, i'm here first.
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