seconds amassed turn into minutes
turn into hours
turn into days
turn into weeks
turn into months
turn into years
and before you know it
10 years have passed
gone forever
stop
take a breath
sit in the sun and remember
faces that have come and gone
you have grown
the world has grown
or the world has changed around you
where you are is probably not where you once were
and if it is
it has probably changed
perhaps there is someone
you once knew
that slipped away
life is too short
to not take chances
have you ever taken a leap of faith?
seconds amassed turn into lifetimes
before you know it
it could be too late…
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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i disagree with the majority of the comments that have been posted here and quite saddend too.
its a great peice, flows down the page well and it delivers the kicking lines.
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Great message! The lack of punctuation in this piece didn't flow well for me. It sort of read like one big run on sentence. I wonder what it would do if you tried to express the same message with fewer words, and let the reader be led to what you are saying? Just a thought, my writings are certainly in their infancy, I'm no expert!! But again, I really do like the content.
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got similar comments
part of the lack of punctuation is that this is more meant to be spoken word. I just don't feel the need to add the pauses and speeds. However I am going to I think. I like this piece more so because of where it came from. Someone has returned to ,y life from the distant past. Look for Life Time with cues soon. I want to see if it changes it for you. Better defines timing and rhythm.
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i can see where your going with this. the theme is great. but.... what makes this a poem? you made a point but there wasnt a lot of impact. No rhythem no rhyme which is fine. Too me its just an essay chopped up into short phrases. Think about it. poetry is an art form. Where is the art in this piece?
but im just one person so dont take me to seriously -
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A comment on structure.
Picasso, not painting like Monet and Monet so unlike Pollock. It's all different. Saying there is no art in a piece is like saying if a poem is not a haiku then it's crap. I have to say there is a rhythm to this piece without rhyme. When I find the proper audio software I plan on recording it. Sad though to say a poem is not a poem because it does not meet a certain structure. The flow is in the words, the trickle of time growing, passing. I guess I can see though where you are coming from in 2D. This is more meant to be a spoken piece and something is lost without the flow and the pauses and the timing. Thank you for the comment.
Look back in a couple of days. Will try to show the flow, timing of spoken work silent on paper. Really want to share this and have it be understood by all. Your comment has shed light on presentation for me and has been very helpful.
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Don't forget how fast the little ones grow!!! I like the poem,I think it is timeless.
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