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this is how i HATE (life) {mental suicide}

AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

let me out.

let me go.

take me in.

please never let go.

why can't you miss me too?

i'v never felt so empty.

but so overwhelmed.

the stars i wish upon have already fallen.

just because i dont let you see the depression,

doesnt meant its not drowning me.

mental suicide.

would you even notice?

notice if i wasnt there?

this is my insanity.

no therapist can save me now.

that was your job.

and you left.

you left me here.

you left me crying.

i'm still crying.

and for that i hate you.

i hate you; i hate you; i hate you.

and you don't know why.

well i'll tell you fucking why.

I hate you because YOU'RE NEVER THERE.

you're not there.

you're never there.

and here i am.

broken as i'll ever be.

and you leave.

you've left me.

why couldn't you help?

your the ony one that could.

but now you'll hate me too.

just another name added to the list.

this is your fault.

you gave me the illusion of trust.

then you pulled the ground below me and now im stuck falling.

...forever falling.

i lay the guilt to you.

it's yours.

honestly, you deserve it.

you told me you loved me.

and then i started to love you...

...and now i love you.

and you let go as i held on.

i give everything.

and get no return.

where is the medication?

i need my razor.

god i HATE you.

dont go... i love you.

why?

this is overload.

i can't take it.

please, let the day darken.

let death arrives.

im dissolving in tears.

please, blade, take the pain.

my capacity is full.

i need my outlet.

I NEED MY SWEET RAZOR.

oh blade sing my a song so sharp.

let it pierce my ears.

craving?  ha.

this is DESIRE.  i NEED it.

i feel like being sick.

these pills leave my stomach empty.

to accompany my heart.

i have to scream.

this hurt is bottled up inside me.

it's getting denser.

i can't see propaly.

why dont you ever care?

why?

i want to bleed.

i want cry.

i want out.

i need death.

for so long i've held it in.

and now it needs to come out.

i'm dying.

slowly im fading

and you cant be bothered to find me.

you couldnt even wait,

wait for me to say,

i love you too.

this is how i disappear.

but you're already gone.

...all i wanted was you...

i still love you.

but do you love me?

Author notes

nothing is right.
i'm in tears as i write this.

there is so much...so much emotion..that i can't tell frustration from sorrow.

please death take me with open arms.



NB: okay reading over this i know there is definatly no poetic gueinus; but it was written in pure emotion.

A contest entry

HONESTY is the BEST policy, but it also HURTS the most... so come on... {HURT me}

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Comments


  • xxRainbowDawnxx
    December 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    that battle inside the head is something I have often... mental suicide, I've had several bouts of that myself, I'm sorry that you know of it also.


  • fairytalelovestory
    October 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I don't want to hurt you in fact i want to hug you. and never let go. and i dont know you. i know the pain your going through and honestly it never gets any easier. Here's hoping one day you find someone worthy of loving you.


  • Silent Emotions
    August 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    but if death were to take you, who would possible write brillant poetry such as yours? i know i wouldnt be able to find another amazing poet such as yourself.

    you know every time i read your work, the words that you speak remind me so much of how i felt when i was your age and how i feel on occasion now.

    as much as i hated people telling me, "oh its going to be ok, its going to get better" (i still hate it now when im upset to be honest), it does ease in a sense.
    its not that life completely does a 180 and your happy go lucky all the time, i just believe you get stronger in the sense that you know how cope with such over whelming emotions.

    if you ever just need to talk to someone, even though i know we dont really know each other, you can email me. let me know if you want my email.


    • Candy Morphine
      August 27, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      aww thanks. im actually feeling ok today. its just well, last night...things got a little...a little to much you know?

      thanks again for all your amazing comments!