I suffer from the past and cry out all my fears that I keep inside day by day
I don’t know why I do this to myself
I look at the pictures and hide in my closet crying in the corner
Screaming in my pillow so no one can hear my agony
The crimson sharp tears have now turned a charcoal black hue
Staining everything that I touch
My shallow breathing
My chapped lips quivering
My cry for his name is daunting
It’s a haunting that has scarred my heart and soul forever more
I read my journal entries that’d I have written of him in the years past
All the precious moments that had gone by;
Our secret forbidden love...
But it was tonight when I felt this different kind of pain
My throat aches as I cough up mucus
My head pounds so hard, and no drugs can cease it
My body is very tense as I carry the world upon my shoulders
I’m sick inside and it doesn’t help how now more than ever I think of his face
A little over a year ago I saw him
The memories pierce my heart for the billionth time
And I stare into my mind for hours
Tears dripping down my face like someone had died
I can’t sleep and when I do
Nightmares fill my thoughts of horrific events
I can’t eat anymore
My stomach growls but the taste of food has lost its muster
I’m loosing weight dramatically and my mother worries
Everyone stares at me as I walk down the hallways at school
With my bloodshot eyes
I know what they’re thinking
I don’t care what anyone thinks of me
As I hold myself together with my arms around me closing my eyes
My pale skin grows whiter every passing day
And no one speaks to me anymore
I am alone
I look outside my bedroom window and see the monsoon sky
The light brown color blanketing all that’s before me
The wind beating with so much force the trees are touching the earth
The rain pours oh so hard with drops the size of golf balls
I walk out in it with my big t-shirt on
Hair pulled back in a bun
I stand there trembling as I see the storm go about me
In awe and wonderment I stare
Letting the pain soak in with the rain
Won’t this tempest carry me far from all that I know?
Let the wind glide me to that place...
Oh that place...
Far and wide
Yes
The
Waterfall...
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Very strong emotions in this poem! We have all felt this so many times, believe me! You're not alone in this. My pillow has had many loud screams in it. As well has gallons of tears on it. Believe me!! There is a lot of strong imagery in this as well. Sometimes we built up un-neeeded walls in life because we're scared. And sometimes we build them because we need them. Wisdom is knowing the difference for which wall you need; not want.
Warmest,
Mylee -
The imagery is beautiful, the emotion is raw and pure, and though I have never met you I can almost see you through these words. This truly is a cross section, an essence, a capturing of your heart in words. That being said and after witnessing your pain here I can only offer my deepest condolences. The heart is a true wonder; any other part of the body when exposed to pain would quickly retreat but not the heart. No, the heart would rather throw itself in to the flames rather then be alone, almost selfish, with no concern for the sanity of the mind. But again how lost we would be with out the heart; I know it leads me everyday. Continue writing, you have a wonderful gift.
All the best,
Tanner
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thank you...i appreciate you comment greatly...
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i told you i'd wait forever. this was my promise, my curse. my heart is still yours. you have naught to do but say the word. and angel boy is right. it kills me to see you like this. why can't you let me in? you know how to reach me. just hold out your hand, and i'm there.
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no. you have michelle now. i won't do it.
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there's so much pain... why not go to him? tell this guy how you feel. guys are dumb, they won't get it unless you tell them. it's blatantly obvious that you need him. and if i'm guessing correctly, then it's the jokersmask, and he needs you too. he'll probably read this anyway, and if he's any kind of man at all, it'll tear his heart out to see the one he loves in so much pain.
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