under moonlight
her shape in my bed –
my hands trace it
strands of cobweb
kiss her sleeping eyes
and wake mine – oh!
startled lovers
reach for ecstasy
and find laughter
Author notes
Three 4-5-4 verses that hover around haiku/senryu territory, best I could come up with at short notice. Again I am experimenting with "kireji".
1. Use of conventional hyphen in English haiku/senryu.
2. Exclamation, coming at the end of the triplet - this is a device which is used to lead the reader round to the beginning of the verse again. Expresses surprise or bewilderment.
3. Kireji implied by the rhythm of the words - but where do YOU think it falls? 
In a list
A contest entry
- Sensual Haiku by Dalaney.
1050 points, ended August 26, 2008, 19 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Look up "sensual" in the dictionary :)
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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i haven't done haiku/senryu or tanka in a while. and when i read something as lovely and as sensual as this, i'm inspired. well done!
~ Nicolette
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Thank you for this kind comment.
Sometimes I think I don't understand haiku at all, y'know.
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this reminds me of sonnet XVII by shakespeare, I like it's simplicity, great write!
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Well, I do Shakespearian sonnets too, y'know
I have been enjoying writing haiku and senryu lately, but the moment has to catch me. I am glad you enjoyed this.
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I love this! It was rich!
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Thank you.
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Congrats! Not surprised you placed! Absolutely wonderful job.
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Bunnies are indeed in order for this apt penning.
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Bunnies gratefully received.
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This is wonderful. The language is strong and the concepts rich. Lauging is the closest thing to orgasm without actually being one, so they didn't miss by much. Well deserving of the trophy!
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I forgot to say - thank you for this comment. I know you don't give compliments lightly.
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Really quite excellent--and I love the "oh!" It has all kinds of resonances for me.
Very good indeed,
Bill
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The scene you portray in this Senryu is is vivid and exciting. I think the surprise factor is a wonderful part of this poem.
Love,
Amera♥
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Oh yes, you nailed that one
(or I hope you did
)
You may force me to learn these things
her bleary eyes
pull me back to bed
make love again
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'my hands trace it'
how subtle. I love it!
'-oh!'
you brought forth a personal tone with this.
This whole thing strikes Gold in my eyes. Really gorgeous.
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Thank you - as it turned out, you were out by one level on the podium, but that isn't bad.
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