monday left me hopeless,
holding on to metal blinds
so light couldn't escape its bars
or fall on my lap
to fill empty holes and
unoccupied gaps
[substitutes for guilt]
i left tuesdays vacant,
saving space for secrets
so I could find delusions -
unstitched and unseamed
with reserves of solitude
dripping off ceilings,
trying to consume voids.
wednesday was frank,
unfamiliar to unwanted assemblies
and mismatched emotions -
unrestricted beneath binds.
disasters perched on thursday,
silent in attack and backfire of plans
so I could remain immune to wishes
and snatch hopes from under my lids
leaving me unable to dream.
i skipped weekends,
skimmed above its surface
trying to hide inside pockets
and learn to choke on
suppressed memories.
sunday remained holy,
laying under stars,
creating reminders for lies
I couldn't keep track of.
I failed,
collapsed within my own charades
under ash skies and black moonlight
but how could you pray
to that?
Author notes
"Her rainbow is
and assembly of blues"
- Heather Harvey
In a list
A contest entry
- Quote Inspired. by Naridill.
650 points, ended September 15, 2008, 7 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Silver to Gold by Age of Rain.
360 points, ended September 27, 2008, 24 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - hey favorites sorry im not reading ur poems! by hks.
650 points, ended December 22, 2008, 15 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dark , dark and dark Poets ONLY by sweet innocence.
1100 points, ended January 18, 31 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - redbird by notorious.
3999 points, ended March 3, 23 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Now you tell me:
Comments
1 - 49 of 49
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supressed==>suppressed
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unstiched ==>unstitched?
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definitely
you dont like it
*throws it away and finds another prewrite* -
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... you can enter 3x (and yes, repeat options)
I don't hate it, loser.
*insert emoticon here* -
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all 3 prewrites would be low
I plan to write one too
..soon. -
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I look forward to your in-denial talent
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This is full of emotion and yet its a different kind of emotion to what we are used to - not all hearts and flowers - I liked that in my twisted dark way. Well done.
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UGH!! Just the title is freakin' awesome. I'd have to say this might be up there with your best. I think the only thing I didn't absolutely love was "frank", because it sounds funny haha
But that's just me. You're too brilliant for your own good, ya know 
And you need a shower, stinky mcstink! XD 
I know for sure you'll get gold (wooo another color! ) love yoooooooooh 
Jeanette*~
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Some deep thoughts here. I like how you "say it without saying it" - in other words, you sort of hint at what you want to say and the reader figures it out. At least, that is what I think.
And like another commenter said, you are one of AP's finest - hands down
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haha, thank you
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Great title by the way
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monday left me hopeless,
holding on to metal blinds
so light couldn't escape its bars
or fall on my lap
to fill empty holes and
unoccupied gaps
[substitutes for guilt]
You have definitely moved on with your writing. Damn I've missed a lot.
so I could find solitude -
unstiched and unseamed
with reserves of solitude
Not sure about the repetition there but I like the alliteration throughout the stanza
Great opening line in the fourth stanza
I'm not sure the ending is as strong as the rest of the poem but the descriptions were good.
I like, a lot.
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ouch - I didnt even notice the repetition. I'll fix it right away!
I've not moved on In fact, I'm stuck - legs rusty and all
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Finding it hard to write,
I don't think so.
This has talent written all over it.
It honestly is a remarkable piece of poetry.
Your mind is amazing, some of the things you come
up with sometime is truly mind blowing. You are so
much more talented than you know.
You are one of AP finest, and I am not just saying
that because I am your Granny, I really mean it.
Loveandblessings2u & yours always
Love Ya, Granny
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Amazing.
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ohh, I love your writing, Chandni. The title was what drew me to read this and just every description kept me clinging on. The week imagery was beautiful and I love your idea of 'skipping weekends'. great great great last line.
Glad to see your muse is sorta back. 
~Cassie
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tremendous
Just a great write. Challenging, interesting, and introspective
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i believe an honesty and honestly this is what i got from your poem
i dont really like this style in the first place but im going to try to not be bias
but to me this is what most poems look like on this site. short choppy phrases, little impact, doesnt really paint a picture, doesnt really convey emotion. to me its like your telling a story but not all of it so while it makes sense in your head the reader is lost.
no matter what stlye of poetry you use unless your writing for yourself personal the person that matters the most is the reader. If your poem doesnt cause emotions, or paints a picture, or does any thing to the reader than its not good enough
but im just one person so dont take my words to seriously. just trying to help a fellow poet.
keep writing
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Well, as you said, you don't really like the style - so I cannot take your critique.
Thank you, though. -
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haha
no problem
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you totally get me in the most messed up way
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excuse me?
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this is told like a journal entry. Different but i like it. Just loke a week in my life.
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This is really creative, and I completely love it.
There's so many way to take this.
and they're all great.
It relese's all those emotions
in one work.
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Thanks!
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Beautifully written, holding all that pain and raw emotion in its lines and then that final telling line which ties up all that the author knows about the emotions and the gamut of them during a week. Powerful read. C
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Thank you
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A beautiful poem filled with raw emotion, I know the emotions that can cause a poem like this. I go through them everyday. A great write indeed, keep it up.
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some emotions don't leave words behind
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It's hard to believe
that someone that has so many followers could have days like this, but then I guess at times we all do. I read so much sorrow in your works, but you have so much tallent that I get lost in the poems themselves.I wish your rainbows were of brighter colors. I'm sure they will be someday soon! Love and kisses, The Shaker
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I think I'm happier in sorrow - it feels more real than happiness.
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I like the days of the week theme, I know when I'm feeling down...well this kinda describes it well. love the ending "Sunday remained holy"
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oh my dayssssssssssssss f*** me!!! this is bloody amazing!!! i love this!!! esp the whole days of the week idea!!! damn hehe xxx
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i really like this poem!!!
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Liked the hole black bible title, i thought that could have been a great idea to head to but the poem didnt have much to do with it but still an amazing piece. great job. =)
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i enjoyed this write very much. it was very different. i really enjoyed the lines
"i skipped weekends,
skimmed above its surface
trying to hide inside pockets
and learn to choke on
supressed memories.
sunday remained holy,
laying under stars,
creating reminders for lies
I couldn't keep track of."
there's just something about them. over all your poem was simply wonderful. keep up the awesome work.
*~*bee*~*
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OH, that was fabulous, your first lines capture
boldly!
that (substitutes for guilt) FANTASTIC! WOW!
reading on...
I loved this...her rainbow is an assembly of blues"
we'd all be liars if we didn't have a couple weeks
that seem to offer this palette of truth.
dark indeed..and luscious with living simile's!
way to write....rainbows for all, sunshine is in sight!
ears/Seattle
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Thank you
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totally welcome!!! xxx
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excuse me?
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Excellent job, m'dear. But you don't need me telling you that.
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I'd tell you thank you .. but I have a better use for this reply.
Where the hell are you these days??!
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Nowhere of interest, just working the life out of myself. It's harder than I'd have thought....
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Nothing worth doing is easy. But then you should know that by now.
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Wonderful Wonderful Wonderful. This is excellent work. Thoughts profusely plundered into the essence of the world lain mind....Ok I don't know what those words mean. Hopefully they mean something good...to what I was wanting to say. XD
But I do know what Wonderful means. And that is this poem. Awesome job. Keep writing in the right keeping.
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excellent
i skipped weekends,
skimmed above its surface
trying to hide inside pockets
and learn to choke on
supressed memories.
sunday remained holy,
laying under stars,
creating reminders for lies
I couldn't keep track of.
a godo way to end your week.The two days are described well.May be i pick up some inspiration from it.Thanks for sharing.Please visit my poetry as well.
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Awesome
In the beginning it sounded as if you were afraid of seeing the sun. The ending was my favorite part. loved it
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you did well with the prompt, i found the poem to be a little criptic at times though i am slow so thats not a valid point, i thought it flowed really well and i liked the title best of luck in the contest
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