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each touch a symphony lost

 

 

 

 

 

a universe sings
in the distance between us,
 
hidden-
 
secret threads dangle
austere in air such as this
 
and we are unknown
as a contrast
by the different shades
within white
 
so thick that lashes play to our beat,
a rhythm of blinks, like oars slicing water
 
open
 
as though the sea were onion-bent,
scattering salt into pieces of sky
to be carried from there to here,

 

through this glass
across my sill
 
fragments of sunlit
 
lines frozen
portal to floor
 
at a glance they seem
so cold
 
 

 
so far away
 
 

 

but every measure lies-
 
closer and the view alters
our shape
and each of us palms
a carnival
of motes cast high and low,
 
glitter tossed atoms
 
by eddy and drift

arranged

as notes in a dust written score


indifferent to how random
we are as noise,
 
so there is nothing more
and nothing less
beyond each silent syllable
between
 
and we collect them all;
dance with each aurora
sung to us of stars
 
and the music
cast as semaphore, where umbral
we bend
by the half-light of other
reflections
 
each beautifully discordant
 
 
 
 

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

Edits: 5 (closer now)

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think (Critical Honesty Appreciated)

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Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • girl shaman
    August 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    so thick that lashes play to our beat,
    a rhythm of blinks, like oars slicing water

    oh this was something special.
    only little nit pick thing on my mind is this line
    "as fragments of sunlit

    lines frozen
    portal to floor"

    in my own opinion [meaning you dont have to listen to me lol] i feel the spacing only hurts the effect that you were trying to portray and it cuts too sharpley.
    hm the legnth is a bit.. overthetop? but i mean if you honestly just trimmed it a bit it would be a-ok either way i did very much enjoy reading this, it was truley beautiful
    thank you for sharing!


    • EvilKate
      August 27, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Ah but that was something I was looking at along with two transitions ... so, good eye

      Also, we should also listen to other's ... maybe not agree but we'd have to listen first to know that, Mhmmm?


  • Nicolette gold member
    August 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I started to read this and as I went along I chose my favourite lines; when I got to the end of the poem I didn't know which part or phrase or line was the most beautiful as this poem just is... is beautiful. Wonderful music you've created through your words here... such a soft quietude here that almost sleeps like dust beneath a tree. I'm not going to try and be clever and say much more, other than that you've created a masterpiece, Kate. Beautiful - thank you for sharing this with us in the contest.

    ~ Nicolette

  • Rowan gold member
    August 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I was going to say this was a beautiful musical experience, made me feel like twirling in a sunlit
    room. But then I saw what contest this was for, and realized the prompt. You have succeeded in creating a very lovely song and quiet dance. Stunning my friend.


  • NurseChilly gold member
    August 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this is almost out of time and sync and it aches in the longful places where time, just sits and waits

    quietly... dislocated on the edge of reason... I found this most beautiful in the emptiness and ennui it brings..


  • AliceinPoetryLand gold member
    August 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Ahh such beautiful words you have woven to create such an amazing piece. Yep you certainly should publish. I jhave to agree. This is really brilliant!
    All the best.
    gaylene


  • Randomly Beautiful
    August 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Kate, you are a beautiful poet.


  • iverbthenoun
    August 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    so thick that lashes play to our beat,
    a rhythm of blinks, like oars slicing water
    ... sigh(number : idon'tknowanddon'task)...this makes me feel like jeff buckley's hallelujah...


  • marc creamore
    August 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Kate . . . this is breath takingly brilliant . . . You have created a masterpiece of sound and imagery with this one . . . I am in awe!!!!

    Marc


  • Night Hope gold member
    August 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply



    "and the music
    cast as semaphore, where umbral
    we bend
    by the half-light of other
    reflections
     
    each beautifully discordant"



    You've edited 4 times?!? STOPPPPP, already!!! lol 

    This is completely exquisite, my Friend.

    I had the most difficult time catching my breath. 

    Ahhh, Nic will love it, as do I. Good luck in the contest, POET. (hint, hint: publish

     

  • Suzanne Dia
    August 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    hehe .. I see a contest I won't be entering

    This is .. beautiful, breathtakingly so
    You make fantastic music.

1 - 11 of 11