Feel the beat such friction complete it warms,
the soul like a magnificent meal.
Engulfing the mind like a seasoning,
tenderizing and tantalizing,such fixation unfolds.
To the realm of a song so cold you lie in animation,
minds wander through the maze of life.
Lost and often afraid we join in groups for loneliness,
has no chords to play and the eyes grow dark to life.
As you close your eyes to the music in time,
bringing you up or down our choice to breathe as we will.
Unknowing of its dangers the words ring true,
and we fall to the strumming the vibrations where evil dwells.
And we fall into infinities vacuum.
Author notes
Free verse is not my thing but here goes
A contest entry
- music: poetry of the air by Nicolette.
1500 points, ended September 7, 2008, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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I cannot nor will I critique your prose. Your words tell a story, especially what is between the lines. Clever! If this be free verse you did well. I have read this three times. transposing any two lines within the others the same thoughts come thru. this was writen from the heart!
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This is amazing, if you're trying free verse for the first time! Some good stuff in here. And I do agree with Nicolette about the line-breaks at some places - they can be altered some more, to smoothen out the flow. Thanks for entering.
- Namita
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Free verse might not be your thing but there is always the first time and I'm happy that you've tried your hand at it - that's the spirit - and the spirit of music. This is a nice attempt although I think the punctuation at places and at some places the lack of it, as well as some of the line breaks hampered the flow for me, but overall I appreciate the depth of thought you've achieved here. Thank you for this entry.
~ Nicolette
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I love this! Freeverse may not be your thing, but this is great! I love it! You did a great job on this one! I do have one small suggestion for you,
tenderizingmtantilizing
Not sure if you wanted interesting spelling or if you meant
tenderizing, tantilizing
or
tenderizing tantilizing
But you might want to correct that before judging.
Best of luck in this contest!
and love
Nyetta
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A dark poem of how evil dwells pulling us into its vacuum. Great analogy.
I came back to add that I reread this again. The music has a way of transforming the into thinking things not normally thought. To continuously listen to dark music turns the mind dark as well. It is like swimming in sewage.
This poem gets better the more I read it.
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