energy, it responds to intention
empty and be filled with redemption
when the genie comes all the way out
they call it genius without a doubt
the future is mere space between us
let the genie become a genius
let the story of your blood be told
and your bones will turn from lead to gold
are you feeling anything yet?
behind the walls of skin and sweat
and even though we've never met
are you feeling anything yet?
just let the story of your blood be told
and your bones will turn from lead to gold
the future is mere space between us
so let the genie become a genius
are you feeling anything yet?
behind the walls of skin and sweat
and even though we've never met
are you feeling anything yet?
A contest entry
- Out Rhyme Rakerman1 by piccola.
900 points, ended June 6, 58 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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this one takes you on a spiritual journey
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yes I am .
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ohh mister.
..we've got something here alright..i feel a rhythm goin' and a tune..this is ..immaculate in its conception..thank you for sending it my way...the genie and the genius..how very apt..
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absolutely wonderful...tears...i can hear you saying this...beautiful, like the do not watch this video video
you are so good
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well done. . good use of repetition . . liked "behind the walls of skin and sweat" and "areyou feeling anything yet?" . .
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My favorite part:
let the story of your blood be told
and your bones will turn from lead to gold
THAT IS AWESOME.....I'm loving it!
Good Job again Teddybare!
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Ya know what...you inspired with me with that verse! Now I have to write!!!!
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oh kool
way kool .. let me see when yer done k? ... thanks much for all the comments .. i'll catch up and read more of yours too.. it takes me a while as i nibble on every letter of every poem i read like it was a wonka bar ..
i love poetry.. and of the ones of yours i've read i loved them too.. cant wait to see what you write
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Is it just me or is this somewhat seductive? It flows "geniously" I could read this again and again and pull several different variations from this interesting piece. Don't change a thing, it is perfect
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This is quite a mysterious read isn't it, great rhythm andI liked the way you ended the last verse with a repeat of the third, it made it seem a bit eerie, like maybe big brother is watching, just waiting to see what I'm up to, and makes me want to live for today, I love the bit about the genie becoming a genius, Iguess I likew the idea that if our bodies are lamps, then maybe we all have a bit of genius in us, and Im fascinated with that idea at the mo as we've just been told our son may be gifted, but Im not sure thats a gift really,so it gave me something to get my head round, a very meaty and thought provoking piece of writing thanks
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THANK YOU
but you are too kind
i lost track or something here and cheaped out wih repitition
so this is still just a draft .. thanks for liking and getting what i was trying to say..
you pegged it
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The first stanza was great. Repeating the second and third became redundant. If this were a song and the last stanzas the chorus it would be incomplete without a continuation of the theme. Just an observation. Happy trails
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Loving your genie-genius thing.
I think it's clever...
I'm feeling something...
We've never met, and I'm feeling....
curiosity. -
I enjoy that in this poem gilded by speak of genies and alchemy, the repetition and meter make the form very much like that of a spell or incantation. In the line "from genie to genius," I saw indications of the move from magical explanations of events to scientific explanations of events. The lines "even though we've never met/are you feeling anything yet" to me could either indicate the use of magic on another person or the transforming power of a relationship with another human being
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Am I feeling anything yet well mmm yes I think I am..perhaps a little wet or maybe hot
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great job as usual...i love that line! "let the genie become a genius" it just blew me away...amazing
peace, love, & cheese -
this is very well wrote hun, i love your rhyme scheme
this really did have such a good flow it was almost like lyrics all my love
kitty xxx
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