the CONCERT (that is EVERYTHING i wanted)

And as a grin larger then physically possible spreads widely across my eager face,
The deafening music begins.
Wild excitement rushes through my bones,
Exhilaration pulses throughout my veins.
Words fail in an explanation.
The epitome of happiness is in its fatal climax.

As I sit and try to recall,
No phrases describe the elation.
And try as I might,
I cannot.

As my body sways to the remastered set list of my absolute love,
It is perfection presented to me in a shinning ticket.
It is beauty inhuman dancing beside me.
Poster boys smile coyly.
Never more attainable,
Stereotype my dream and hand it to me on a silver packet.
Eye candy never sweeter as temptation dares me to eat it,
But they never make it to my mouth.
Random moments of bittersweet taste will not shift unfulfillment.
So my lips remain chanting the verses back.
Never placed upon the spontaneous advantage of him in the darkness.

the crowd,
-bigger then any mass of people,
Are all there, all with different expectations, different thoughts,
Are all allowing there hearts to thump to the exact same rhythm.
Are all sharing this immense joy, to overwhelming for just one single person.

Hypnotised in the lull of everything,
not imperfectly perfect,
Not tragedically terrific,
Just terrifically perfect.

The interlude summons a brief pang against my chest,
my enthusiastic smile fading quickly.
With no words left to fill the silence,
I am lost.
Lost amongst shrieks and tears.
Lost.
Lost and missing something…
I am a heart beating to music no longer playing.
But then shrill screams of teenage ecstatic lust textures the air,
Puncturing any sadness.
just like that, as the band walk back on their stage, emotions dissolve.
And electricity zaps the air.
The outcries that erupt louder each second are contagious.
As the tempo starts,
My face is instantly covered with a smile that bares my teeth,
The lyrics played in my mind, then thrown out in the mid air.
My sight plastered to the stage, documenting every second.
From then on, everything is a blur.

The last encore.
Thank you’s echo around the arena.
The lights brighten.
My pool of ecstasy abruptly runs dry.
My mood darkens ever so slightly.
Grasping for that happiness,
Reaching out to cling to it,
To wrap my arms around it and never ever let go.
But it turns out I am only strangling thin air, moist with thick droplets of rain,
Washing away my intense high.

But I wont complain,
No.
I still have a tiny fragment of that memory.
It fills me with warmth as my mind embraces the recollection.
I will lock it away in the prison of my heart,
Guarding the key with the upmost importance.
Forever protecting it.
For it means more to me then the world.
It is my saving grace.
No matter how small,
How insignificant it may seem to you,
I will breathe in every aspect of it,
Inhaling the attraction of belonging.
My dreams aren’t simply dreams anymore,
Nor are they fantasy,
They are, they were, reality,
Now a memory.
A memory in which I will treasure till the end of time.

But now, as I sit and lose myself in recorded fabrications of flawlessness,
Consummated in that few hours,
There is an ever so small crack in my smile.
And through it,
Drips loneliness,
The invisible mist of disguised sorrow slowly turns to an impenetrable fog,
Unable to see anything,
Anything except you.

Two forces fight the never-ending battle within my subconscious.
For every time I reminisce back to august 22nd, trying to capture that moment again,
Another part misses you.

Surrounded by haze,
Suddenly broken by cascading light as a message tones,
As I instinctively reach for my phone,
Sincerity spreads through me,
I feel the corners of my mouth twitch in anticipation as I glance at the sender.

I have the two most important things in my life,
The base of my existence,
And the best thing?
-realisation shows I can have both.

and the flight home doesnt cause apathy,
because now i have you to come home to.