I see this guy and I can't resist,
I need him.
No other guy makes me feel the same,
when I see him my cheeks start to burn.
He looks at me and I feel as I'm going to faint.
My heart starts to race, I can not breathe.
Its such a torture, but I love it when he's around.
He holds me and cares for me like no other.
when he lets go I scream of pain begging him to come back.
Why does his love hurt me so bad?
It burns my soul, pierces my heart.
Why do you do this to me?
Author notes
This was a dream I had, never expirenced this in real life.
I need some lines after heart can yall give me some ideals.
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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i luv the emotion in thsi poem!keep it up!
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Woah
Nice sis. I like it . it shows loads of emotion
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that was based on a dream?
i thought maybe spot...
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LOL
You still remember spot ...thats amazing!!...do you still remember where my Niece Grace thinks you live? -
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Of course I do!
She seriously still thinks I live in the clouds?
She still seriously beleives Im her Aunt Abby?
lol. I love that kid.
Btw, tell spot Hi for me. Kiss for me too. Love that old guy!
still think its funny you make his food...
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yayy :]
its so sweet . :] -
awww amazing dream ! :)
gr8 job !
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it's very good, Mystery...
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wow.... i lov3 this poem....... great job!!!!!
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Um... Line 6: 'breath' should be 'breathe'.
And line 7 should end with a question mark ('?'). -
wow. great write. I have had this happen to me and I think many people have; I really like how you wrote it out =) I love how you ended it talking (or thinking) to the person the speaker is talking about in the rest of the poem. Anyways amazing poem and keep writing.
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completely true i have that actually prblem
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I really like this one
the feelings we go through
for the love we need very good
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Thank heavens you could wake up from the dream, 'ey?
I think this poem will be very highly liked, just from the simple fact a lot of people who come on this site have been through what you portay here. People always like to read things they can relate to, so well done for that.
I also enjoyed how most of the poem, bar the last line, is directed to the reader about this guy. Then the final line moves on to the speaker confronting the guy, whether it be in person or in thought. That's a clever tool to end the poem.
Ok, some suggestions. On the sixth line I think the word you meant was "breathe."
Also, the poem overall could be improved, I feel, with more poetic vocabulary. A thesaurus works wonders if you can't think of the right word to use.
Thanks for sharing this heartfelt write.
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this was amazing
and with the fact you not have had this really happen
well-done hun [thats called talent] i must say.
i hope you dont get this feeling ever -sad as it is and i hate to you though you may- but just know your stronger then you really know.
keep up the writes.
♥ broken -
given that you have never experienced this, it is well-described. the symptoms are fairly accurate!
you said to give you ideals: well, i can't choose your ideals for you (
), but i thought of a few lines. (i am not asking you to use them- though you are welcome to them if you'd like; these were just the first things i came up with when i read the words 'i need some lines'!)
"everything's gone to pieces,
as if i was ever whole-
i am so aware of my body,
and you are all i want to touch."
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