your.worst.regret.

As you breathe, I'm shaking. I'm trying to remember when I used to feel the things I thought. But I can remember your form beside me--taking flight to the window. Fingerprints--steam, fogged up glass. I remember our love against the pane, against the very fiber of our clothes and you became my addiction. Contemplative, soft, unattainable.

Days went on and I could not breathe.

I felt like a dandelion, in danger of becoming the sky. Too many things all at once. It's like dieing and getting high all at once. Like, a needle to the skin but I remember you, remember the words you said and the things we used to dream of together.

I hold you now as I say goodbye.

This is not a regret and our love is not a shell. Hopeless and empty. It makes no sense, to say goodbye the way I had to or to rethink a better way of leaving in my head. Its not you, its not me. I don't know what it is. More like the drugs in my head and knowing that this can't work because,
I am already programmed to love someone else, who maybe doesn't deserve it. I tried to compromise my emotions by using you to get high off of some lost feeling I couldn't remember.

But in the end, you turned away, too sad to talk. You only whispered, you only walked away and I couldn't feel. It wasn't a mistake. It was only a lie.