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Exit Plan

Transparent emotions

unfold during stir of voice

crisp sharp creases

that descend

in the shape of poetry

 

evocative

hard hitting

they spring from ashes

and gnaw at bones

 

wide-eyed old woman

scratches an itch

breathes a chill of sensed expectations

shivers from something formed

 

a perfect blend

of complex

free falling into the unknown

one foot secured

in the fold

of how it once was

before nature decended

 

angular colors

expand

bounced off of shy lights

on Wednesday afternoon

behind unsettled backdrops

 

reinvented

in the modest color of black

rising out of ash

and soot 

settled among flesh tones

 

magically delicious voices

stripped from the stir of brain

 

what I crave

sits in the curl of lip

arrives as energy of words

loaded expressions

complete with flared nostrils

 

un-riddled  rhyme

without reason

complicated metaphors

that screw me with a seductive dance

peel tiny layers away

intent on taking an identity

 

conversational center pieces

pressed tightly behind eyelids

raw and over exposed

 

lost reflections

sit and wait patiently

in their secret hiding place

gathering pieces of tomorrow

looking for an exit plan

 

 

 

8/24/08 

Author notes

Invite only

damn there is a lot of talent in here...

A contest entry

Zochit2me...lol

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 14 of 14
  • ecrivain01
    December 1, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Very nice ...

    and very nicely done.

    Good luck in the contest.


  • just rob gold member
    December 1, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Very cool


  • onerios13
    December 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    evocative

    hard hitting

    they spring from ashes

    and gnaw at bones


    This held such passion for the word, the energy leaping and jumping like a storm embracing humidity. It held such powerful imagery and the ending was superbly handled. All in all, an excellent example of chaotic conscious trying to paint within the lines.

    Thank you for sharing.


  • Mairi bheag gold member
    September 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Jings! Lots to think about and digest here. I'm on my second read. Lots of phrases that ring and stay in the mind... and then it's on to the next thought.


  • Cherokee
    September 11, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I love the way you concluded that. Nice!


  • the atlantic
    August 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    there are some really lovely lines here becky, i loved nature pulling you apart, and angular colors. so cool.
    some parts for me were a bit wordy:

    'the modest color of classic black' just drop the classic? i love it much more being described as modest.

    plucked from flesh tones was fantastic. and i love that you used the line 'what i crave'...i have a poem titled that!

    the next bit kinda got me with all the hyphens and such. the first use is ok, even thought i would like to see 'rhyme without reason' but maybe that is just my tongue...but i ttly think it's unnecessary in the 'god smack me' line. idk how i even feel about that line. i think you could convey it so much better.

    next stanza, get ridddaa that damn hyphen!
    same with the last. but the words in both are so lovely. and remember, this is just my rambly opinion. feel free to e-slap


    • Cherokee
      September 11, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      You need to edit your comment. You said the name of the poet who is trying to remain anon. in this anon. contest. I keep on almost doing that too.

      • Mairi bheag gold member
        September 26, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        Believe me that happens a lot, and no one really minds too much


    • zochit2me gold member
      August 26, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      No e-slap for you tonight...
      I did take some of your suggestions and edited this a bit, sometimes I get carried away with the hyphens and so am really glad you pointed that out

      But wordy coming from you made me laugh out loud
      now that is funny shit!!!

      I was wondering if I zoched you too much and you forgot about me...lol. And why am I banned from your fav's list.



      ♥Becky♥

  • Suzanne Dia
    August 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    love the lead up .. but that last stanza is just gorgeous You do have a way of cramming lots of good things into your poetry in a really nice way. I was never so good at puzzles as you




  • stasis
    August 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Oh wow...

    This is absolutely AMAZING! I can't pick out a favorite part. Every verse made me sit back going "How the heck did she think of that?!"

    My envy of your skill is huge. Keep it up! I can't wait to read more!

1 - 14 of 14