wafted in
vaded in
sulted in
duced
-disgust
miserable putrid
sickly sweet
destroyed my air
tonic mixed
berry beer
grilled burgers which
once tantalized your palate
in you and me,
stimulate gut lurching
reactions - you couldn’t put down
the bottle again, could you dear?
beautiful tile
gasping for air
begging for a second chance
at a spotless life
promises never to be slippery again
if only
if only
if only
the blast of tonight’s
concoction
could would just
up heave itself
somewhere else.
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
-
whoa..omg.. I love it all, every word.
-
Brilliant. It's almost very funny, but it's a little bit too sad to laugh at. My favorite line was "you couldn't put down the bottle again, could you dear?"
-
I really love the form in this one and the ending to me is just fantastic.
I think my favorite part was the repetition of if only. It really seemed to bring a kind of rhythm into the poem.
-
hmmm, seems I was just here. I recently took a hiatus from destroying my gut and reputation after everyone stopped talking to me...lol... kind of why I moved back home to my home state, it stagnated my life, but I just "couldn't put the bottle down" until [[I]] had enough. Know what I mean? Evindently! lol! Great write.
-
I like this. Favorite part "You couldn't put the bottle down again, could you dear?". This poems like a bitch-slap to someone lol very nice. I've made a few of those myself over the years.
Btw, I'm from MI too!! ^.^
-
Yes, well, overindulgence does have its drawbacks indeed, and the misery of a moment can haunt for a lifetime. I love your poetic voice, it is very exciting.
With much love,
mj.
-
WoW
Usually this type of layout does not do much me. I dont have the eye for it. In this case it could be scribble in Cyrillic on a greasy napkin and it would still be an incredible poem.
What part do I like? The whole damn thing, from beginning to end. Nice job.
No
Damn fine poetry.
Mike
-
yeah
A none too pleasant experience or surprise for the sober one of the two.. very good imagery.
-
wow! your thoughts just up heaved themselves on this screen! this sounds like a messy situation here! I'd hat to be the one who has to clean it up...lol Great write!
-
This is very clever, I tripped at first reading the first lines then realized what you had done, I wonder if it might not be better to have in- rather than just 'in' then you would sort of know to read it into the next word? Just a thought...the poem is a strong one on the evils of drinking. Well done here.
Love, C
-
Nice job on such a difficult subject. Glad I never took up drinking.
-
This happens toooooo many times all around us , I see it everyday how sexy you can't talk again. What your going home to what? We'll see what she thinks about that. Great poem MEN sheesh. Good job on a rotten situation. Thanks for sharing and reminding me. Guess I'll stay home tonight. The entirely single, Boog
-
-
hahahaha
yes well the onslaught of alcohol on the breath mixed with food- and knowing it's about to come up and hit your floor- it is very hard to explain.
Thanks for stopping by and reading.
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 13 of 13
