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I'm not okay, I promise

Missing image

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I am not okay.

    You have no idea, honestly,

of what goes on inside of me or

inside my mind during those moments

when I sit quietly or hide myself from

the outside world.

 

 

 

I am not okay.

    You believe I can make

it through anything, but you

have no clue, I am not you,

not as strong-minded as you,

not as brave as you to keep pushing

and moving through everything.

 

 

 

I am not okay.

    I miss my comfort zone,

the feeling of being able to be

numb, to not have to feel anything

at all, where everything just disappears

and even time just stands still.

 

 

 

I am not okay.

     I probably will not make it,

but I promise that I will at least try

so that I can say I gave it my best, and

that I'm not a complete failure in your eyes

even though I know that I truly am,

I truly am a fuck up.

 

 

 

I am not okay, I promise.

Author notes

I wrote this to help try and get out some of my feelings.. I am currently falling back into a depression and I have a strong feeling I'm going to screw something up and disappoint everyone once again... Won't be the first time... and I'm sure it won't be the last.. I'm sorry everyone..

I love you...

-Kaela

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Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • HauntedByHatred
    October 9, 2008

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    freaking awsome

    this is a kick ass poem and it makes me feel sad cause this is how i feel most the time.. so yea great poem!


  • Ignored
    September 27, 2008

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    Bad times I see... Sorry you are feeling this way and if there is anything I can do to help please let me know. My ears are like microphones; you speek into them and your voice is loud and will be heard by someone. I will be that person who listens if you ever need me. This was an amazing write that is obviously out of pain and self hate and denial. Your words were put into a steady river of poetry that caries you away. Sadly many of us can relate to this and many of us cant imagine what you are going through. I think I have a steady understanding of how u are feeling. I have been feeling the same way for almost 4 years. I hope you are out of your depression and are back on your feet taking on the world with no fears and letting nothing push you back down. Great writer, great write, keep writing we all look forward to seeing more poems from you.


  • Iridessa MoonFlower
    September 12, 2008

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    Kaela,
    I understand what you are going through. We all are our own worst critics. We all at some point feel like failures. But you are a good person no matter what you think. I am really sorry you feel this way. If you need to talk please know that I am always here no matter what. I do not judge either. I am bipolar, I have severe panic attacks, & I suffer from post traumatic stress disorder. So please know that i know exactly how you feel in this poem. In Love & Light... may the Goddess hold you tight in her loving arms & guide you through this ruff patch... Blessed Be my friend... ♥ ~~Iridessa MoonFlower~~


  • x-dont -ask-me-x
    September 11, 2008
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    I love the emotion the truth. the hurt the vaunablitiy you show its so amazing Im in love with it


  • Symphony
    September 8, 2008

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    Kaela, I know precisely how you're feeling - having come through a very bad period of depression myself, and do every now and then feel as though I am slipping backwards [because I weaned myself off of the pills, perhaps too soon] but - I do believe that every cloud does have a silver lining, and for me, when feeling in 'that' mood, that it is important to get out - even go for a walk. Sitting at home is what makes me cave in.

    You made a wonderful tale out of this most infamous quote, which I think is amazing. Bravo to you =)


  • my.stars.dont.shine
    September 2, 2008

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    This is sad. And pretty much how I feel. But we have to remember- Nothing lasts forever. Just like the happiness [or being okay] failed the depression will too. And even though you FEEL like a fuck up or a failure it doesn't mean you are. And I know that being told your not doesn't do any good but sometimes the reminder is good; You aren't a fuck up or a failure. Humans make mistakes. I hope you feel better soon.


  • Hope Angel silver member
    September 2, 2008

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    Sissy, you aren't mess up, or a mistake. We are perfect, only in our imperfection. I will be proud of you, no matter what happens. If you try your best, that is all that matters. I have all the faith in the world in you, and I know you can do whatever you set your mind too.
    I understand what it's like to have things like this happen.
    I will always be here for you.
    I love you more then you know.


  • ChrissyJean
    September 2, 2008

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    This is really good hun. I can relate to every part of it. I'm sorry you are going through this. If you ever need someone to talk to you let me know, I'm here. I'd love to get to know such a great writer.

  • Starz of Heaven gold member
    August 25, 2008

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    I do think at times we all fall in a bit of depression that is hard to overcome when you do not know really what to do with the thoughts and sadness that really never seem to go away and linger around us it is so hard to cope like this but with time nad understanding nad love it will get better I am here if you need someone to listen to much love always be well

1 - 9 of 9