One boy
Five girls
Emily and Betty best friends forever
Lisa and Helen never got along
Sarah the social outcast
Jolie managed to steal each heart
Emily was the first, they met over Pizza
Sarah was next; he met her crying by the steps
Lisa followed shortly with her love for ‘Linkin Park’
Helen was his favorite cheerleader
And Betty was a perfect ten… need I say more?
Jolie loved each one and but could not let go.
Emily and Betty never kept secrets but for some strange reason,
Jolie became a well-kept secret. A secret for five years.
Lisa and Helen are beautiful arrogant girls
Who never believed they would date the same boy.
Sarah could not understand what Jolie liked about her
And she did not have any friends to talk to.
They each had a day assigned to them.
Emily was Monday,
Betty was Tuesday.
Lisa was Wednesday
Helen was Thursday and
Sarah ,his favourite was friday.
They never questioned this routine
although they found it very strange.
One day Jolie decided to end each relationship
He could not stand lying to them anymore.
Five years was a long time. He knew he held each
of their hearts in his hands.
Emily swallowed 20 pills and downed a bottle of scotch;
Her parents were out on a romantic dinner
Sarah carved Jolie’s name into her wrist, and slashed
Her wrists several times, the pain blacked her out.
Betty filled her bath tub and took a never ending bubble bath,
Her parents broke open the door and found their dead daughter.
Lisa drove her car over a cliff on her way to the hospital,
Her mom had a severe heart attack and almost died. She wished she did.
Helen killed the baby inside her with a coat hanger
And she bled to death.
One boy
Five deaths.
Author notes
best
A contest entry
- My First EVER!! contest. enter please :D by Xxnightmare21xx.
650 points, ended January 20, 12 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - two hundred. by Captain Obvious.
875 points, ended February 8, 40 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - All you can be? by Erozay.
550 points, ended February 3, 46 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dark, dark, and even darker by Luciferschild.
600 points, ended February 24, 94 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Two entries. All prewrite. by morgana raven.
400 points, ended February 23, 123 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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Wow, this is powerful. It kind of makes me think of the movie "The Virgin Suicides" starring Kirsten Dunst. Awesome piece you have here. I like the detail given to each girl's demise. The last one was kind of nasty... I could not even see someone putting a coathanger into their innards... ew.
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I loved the way you told the story of these lives, all intertwined and tragically ended by the same boy. I guess it just goes to show that we are all connected in some way.
The only thing I wasn't crazy about was your overuse of the word 'death'; try using something else once in a while. That, and this bit:
"Sarah carved Jolie’s name into her wrist, and slashed
Her wrists several times, the pain blacked her out."
-The verse itself is good, but the repetition of 'wrists' is a little awkward. Possibly consider another word or body-part.
In all, well done. Take care, and keep up the good work.
Laura
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im sorry, this poem made me laugh, i liked it but it was a bit melodramatic? I dont know if that was what you were aiming for
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wow
it so was not meant to be funny
i do not know how you saw that
it was very personal
happened in real life
i cannot see how it made you laugh -
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perhaps it just needs a new format, i think how it was worded kind of made it a bit humorous, i wasnt trying to offend but was just trying to be honest
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Interesting write, though I think that more descriptive words would create more imagery and metaphor. Though, it is a great story line, no doubt.
over all, well done.
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This was interesting and yet so disturbing, but it intrigued me anyways. It struck the part of me that I don't talk about. The darker part of my egg whites. hehe.
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Kind of noir-ish to me for some reason, meaning it made me think of old black and white flicks where a guy would play several dames. I don't know why. Not really my cup of tea but appreciate the entry.
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0_0
that was very creative i havent seen one like that
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very moving.
although, wouldn't the end be
One boy
Six deaths [?]
a very beautiful way to depict a not so beautiful storyline.
good luck. :] -
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thank you
it should be
but after I posted it
people hardly noticed so I didn't bother to change it
xxxx
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Congrats on the Gold!!
This story u tell is a sad one for sure! It just goes to show that one person can effect so many others lives and we need to be careful how we treat others... this young man had destoryed all those lives with his lies and deciets.
keep writing!
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thank you so much
xxxxx
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WOW..that was really moving. i really felt the emotion in that. i almost cried. wow. ok, thanks for entering, good luck.
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wow
that's intense
thank you
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woah. wasn't expecting that ending. i think that's what made it so awesome
such tragedies...all caused by one person too, which makes it seem so much scarier. really good job though, since you created a whole story about these 6 people, and then the end was like, BAM. gone.
haha awesome job, thanks for entering! -
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lol
no-one ever expected it
but thank you
glad you liked
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What a gruesome tale of woe. I sure hope it never happens.
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me too
i hope this never happens too! this poem was a product of my very weird imagination!
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This is...tragic. You did that very well. I'm stunned. Good luck.
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thank you!!
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I tried entering this as a pre-written but it would not work so I entered it as a new poem but it is a pre written poem though.
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