Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

Everlasting Gravity

the earth sighs in early morning

behind a mist of expressions

our voices ride the wind

where love becomes eternal

between the layers of spring

 

you were plucked from rib

wrapped in composition of skin

like a physical place inside me

illuminated by amber lights

 

a message in a bottle

washed out to sea with reason

- denying denial

like an undecided tune that keeps playing

 

captivated inside lines of life

as rhythm rolls like tides

swished in swirl of atmosphere

settles around half moon smiles

ripples across tongue

 

sights and smells invigorate senses

blue skies move

and tremble as fingers replace words

skin sheds

as warm breath pours over us

we are connected

 

I feel the texture of you

as romance nods

everything drifts, tangled into miles

of gentle rain

surrounded by the white of thunder

in a complete cycle

born within your eyes

 

when dreams stumble

and a beat of hope thumps randomly

cut me open

scoop out opportunity

and trade my voice for a poem

 

 

 


 

 

 

8/23/08 

 

 

Author notes

Thank you for the invitation to write with such great talent

A contest entry

Zochit2me...lol

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • poet2angels gold member
    September 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I echo cupcrazy's words!
    This is so beautiful and I see why I was asked to help judge So much talent here lol

    I am one who loves beautiful language used in poetry and that is why I adore this piece so much...
    I cannot really choose favorite lines because from beginning to end, this is breathtaking....
    Bravo!
    TY for entering

    Lynda


  • Cupcrazy
    September 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is so wonderfully written Becky, I don't know how in the hell I am ever supposed to choose a winner of this contest. Because all twenty entries could garner a gold, they are all simply that good. The last three lines of this piece are to die for. The whole poem is masterful and a beautiful take on the Neruda piece. Thanks so much for the excellent entry. Hugs, Bunny


    • zochit2me gold member
      September 15, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      I am so sure you will do your best no matter what, we all love you the same. It isn't about winning but the honor of being heard. At least for me it is.




      ♥Becky♥


  • Roaddog Wolf
    September 6, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    wonderful piece

    you have penned here, a beautiful write

  • Michael P
    August 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This is very beautiful


  • Everwind Rising
    August 28, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Moving, engrossing, gorgeous.

  • Rowan gold member
    August 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "cut me open

    scoop out opportunity

    and trade my voice for a poem"

    you know, I wonder if it should end there tooo. This write was like lying on a beach with wind and waves washing over my senses. Lovely.


    • zochit2me gold member
      August 24, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      I do see what you mean about ending it there. I will ponder and decide later today.
      Thanks sweetie

      ♥Becky♥


  • delayedscreening
    August 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    i want to marry the 8th stanza.

    i almost think it should end there. or that this should be the end. it's sharp and impactful. a good severance from the rest. wonderful writer.


    • zochit2me gold member
      August 24, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      I did go back and edit it...
      Now the eigth stanza id the seventh...lol.
      I do see what you mean about ending it at that...
      I will ponder and decide later today, don't want to make a rash decision.
      Thank you so much for the comment and read

      ♥Becky♥

1 - 10 of 10