Leap to the moon with your dusky moth wings
Above the low valleys as night breezes sing,
Hark to the dark plucking silver star strings
And the hooting of winds as they roar - drunken kings.
Hear the stars laugh as you circle the earth
Shining and twinkling with genuine mirth
Letting all loose, for all that they're worth,
Smiling with glee at another star's birth.
All the moonbeams collect on your ivory skin
As you shine ever brightly to see the earth spin,
Attend fairy shows, harmonize with violin,
Freeing what, when in day, was held deep within.
Circle round and turn back as you furbish the stars
Polish gold, bronze and silver before fire chars
Lighting the sky that we, strangely, call ours,
And return to your home in the first morning hours.
Author notes
I'm no good at titles. Ideas?
A contest entry
- Picture prompt tell me what you see! by Iridessa MoonFlower.
600 points, ended September 2, 2008, 9 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Sigh... You're so good. I envy u. Great!
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good write!!
i could tell what you were saying in this
i love it!! -
Ok. Maybe I can now help. Take the "if you" out of line one. Make it sound like sort of a command. "plucking silver star strings" doesn't really go with the rythm. The sun swings is a good idea but you should figure out a different word to use than swings. Maybe there are too many s's with the rhyme.
Laughing shouldn't be repeated. If you just take out "laughing and" it would sound fine. Maybe just say (with the last line of the second stanza) chuckling with glee at yet anothers birth.
Maybe : Attending the fairy's show, flutes and violins.
tickling stars sounds really out of place. use a different word. not tickling.
I don't have a title idea. Good luck in the contest, I hope that you do well. I hope that these suggestions are welcome and really help you Chloe.
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Alright. Changes will begin. Thank you. You helped a lot.
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You're welcome. I enjoyed helping you.
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Great Job
This is another great write for you my friend. I really enjoyed reading your work. Keep up the great writes and good luck in the contest.
(hugs)
Dena -
Good god. You're eleven?
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That was a fabulous poem. I enjoyed reading it.
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Well Done!
I absolutely adore this. My very favorite part was: "Attend the fairy show, with their flutes and violins,
Freeing what, when in day, was held deep within." This was great! I love Fairy's this was deep for me, well thought out. I just put the contest out & you came up with this. AMAZING! Thank you for entering! Good luck... In Love & Light... Blessed Be! 
~~Iridessa MoonFlower~~
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